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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why is my Mum so awful to me?

11 replies

NiandraLaDes · 04/08/2019 00:15

I know that sounds really pathetic and whiney, but fucking hell, she has been awful to me lately.

I have a history of eating disorders. She has a history of having issues with her own weight. I've put on a fair bit of weight lately. Which I can't stand, I'm not coping well with it. It's largely due to a very poorly managed underactive thyroid. I'm also on medication for another medical condition. She has decided that this medication is making me fat, so I need to get off it ASAP. To the extent that she told me this elaborate (and clearly fabricated) story about how she bumped into an old friend, and said old friend immediately told her that she was on the same medication as me and it made her fat and caused seizures. And I must stop taking it right away. Even though it's an anti-seizure medication. I've had seizures recently, resulting in my being hospitalised. But I honestly think she'd prefer that I had seizures than risk putting on weight.

Today she suggested that I ask my GP to prescribe appetite suppressants. I barely eat as it is. But a few minutes later got cross with me for not wanting a big chunk of lasagne for dinner and a big cream bun for dessert.

She constantly tells me that I'm wasting my potential, that I should do more with my life. I have applied for a course that will help get me on to the degree course that I ultimately want to do. She sneered at me, told me that I probably won't get a place on the course, that it's pointless even trying.

I've been there for her through so much stuff, my husband has put up with my visiting her 7 days a week. Yet she just smacks me down all the time. I'm at a loss. I want to be there for her, but she seems to need to make shite of me, and I really don't know why.

How on earth do I deal with this?

OP posts:
chickenyhead · 04/08/2019 00:25

Wow...no wonder you have had eating disorders OP, what a head!

You need a break for a bit. Can you take a holiday?

NiandraLaDes · 04/08/2019 00:31

I'd love to take a holiday, but unfortunately that isn't an option at the moment. She's obsessed with my weight. She made me stand on the weighing scales in her house last week. So that was nice.

OP posts:
quirkycutekitch · 04/08/2019 04:49

Why do you see her so much?

What would happen if you saw her less?

How did you mke you stand on a weighing scales - what would have happened if you said no?

Herocomplex · 04/08/2019 05:05

When I started reading your post I thought maybe you were 17, and lived with her. You are a woman, you don’t have to to ANYTHING she says. Start practicing resisting her bullying. Say no, and if she persists walk away or make her leave. She can be horrible but you don’t have to let her be horrible to you.

lawnmowingsucks · 04/08/2019 05:23

Don't see her again. Ever.

SimplySteveRedux · 04/08/2019 05:43

Are you taking gabapentin or pregabalin? Both well known for weight gain.

SimplySteveRedux · 04/08/2019 05:44

Regarding your mother I'd recommend https//www.outofthefog.net , and stop going to see her.

QueenBeee · 04/08/2019 06:21

Your first post makes it seem you are a teenager living at home with a crazy DM.
From the other posts can I assume you don't work - because if you do why/how are you seeing so much of this mad woman?
So many posts today about stuff which is easily fixable.
Don't see her.

HeffaLump1 · 04/08/2019 06:43

She made you stand on the scales? No she didn't. Unless she put a gun to your head then it was your choice. Don't engage when she brings the subject up, or just LEAVE

oyoyoy · 04/08/2019 07:20

Your mother sounds like a nightmare. She is clearly unwell. Please walk away for your own sanity and wellbeing and do not look back. And don't believe anything she says- she's being horrible to you.

Aussiebean · 04/08/2019 07:46

Have a look at the grey rock technique. It’s a way of communication with toxic people that you have to be around where you give them little information to abuse you with.

I would also look at the stately homes thread here as it seems like she sees you as an extension of herself, not an individual person. This is common with narcs, so worth having a look to see if anything else rings a bell.

I would also be very busy next week and cut you visits down a lot. She will bitch, but the grey rock technique will help you there.

I imagine some of your issues are not helped by her and it will help you to explore that.

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