New relationship. Help!

[MovingForwardq]

Hi.
I wanted some advice about how to move forward within a new relationship when youre still stuck with things said/done from your previous partner.

For example:
Previous partner called me Needy and would take days to respond whenever I said the wrong thing or an argument started. He also cheated on me.

Because of this, i get panicky about asking new partner if he wants to see me or do something in case he thinks i'm being a pest or needy. This is especially the case if i feel like im asking him twice in a row.
I get nervous when it's been a few days of not seeing him, thinking have i annoyed him? Is he bored of me already? Has he lost interest?
If he sees my messages and not replies, I spend hours wondering why he might not be speaking to me.

I know these thoughts are irrational and i dont portray these thoughts to him.
He actually thinks im really "cool" and "laid back"

I'm worried im only coming across cool and laid back though because i'm subconsciously trying to please him due to the previous relationship.

Previous partner was not abusive but would just withold affection from me if he was in a bad mood or an argument had occured. Would not speak to me for days. And would say i bring it all on myself so i have to sort it all out on my own.
I have been single for a year but these anxious thiughts are driving me crazy

Also beeen seeing new guy for 6 weeks

your previous was abusive, it doesnt look like it was your fault.
you have to believe in yourself. maybe you need some counselling, therapy?
you seem like you dont know what is right what is wrong in a relationship.
i think you should be careful not to be neglected or ignored by this new one while trying to seem cool.

I think the problem is not knowing what is write or wrong.
I am still only 24 so still have lots to learn in terms of relationships.
I was with my previous partner from 19-23 and he's all ive ever known relationship-wise. He was 3 years older than me.

I'm just an anxious mess on the inside and worried of falling into the same trap as the previous relationship

*right

Your ex partner was abusive. It's almost like he acted on your insecurities. He knew you needed affection so he withheld it when you needed it most.
I think you just need to relax (easier said than done I know). There's nothing at all wrong with you. We're all different, we all need differ things and that's fine. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Thank you

I think i need to stop trying to be this 'laid back' persona but i just need to learn to balance - not be too much but not be too little either

I'll probably end up talking to nyself on this thread haha but i did use to get such a high when my previous partner would "praise" me i.e.
'Well done, you're finally thinking straight"
"See i told you you were being silly"

Quite sickening when i look back but maybe it's just my personality trait?

your previous hurt you badly. made you very insecure.
there are many threads on relationships board. you can read and have some idea about what a normal relationship should look like.

wish you well.xx

I wonder if it’s just your gut telling you it’s not going that well with the new guy and you’re writing it off as your own issues? If you’re actually dating each other (as in, you’re both ‘seeing one another’ whatever that means to you rather than him just being someone you’ve had a few dates with) I would feel uneasy too and perceive a lack of interest if several days went by without any further plans to meet up. I’m sure that sounds needy to the ultra laid back posters on MN! But thinking back, six weeks into all of my serious relationships we were kinda smitten and excited to meet again and always had a plan for the next date even if it was a week away. If a few days went by and he hadn’t seemed bothered about getting something in the diary to look forward to I would assume he was lukewarm and start to lose a bit of interest. It should be pretty balanced at this point so if you’re asking him to meet twice in a row more than once I’d wonder whether you’ve ended up where you’re chasing him.

good points Jemima, you put it better than me.