Pregnant and starting to see my boyfriend as more of a friend

[FakeTurtle]

Hi,
I'm new here, this is my first post and I'm just sorry it had to be this one. I'm just looking for some advice, any advice!!
I've been with my partner for almost a year and I'm 23 weeks pregnant. I feel almost no sexual attraction towards him and I don't particularly like kissing him and it's been this way for a while now.
It makes me feel so guilty because we've just moved into a new flat together, he's done so much for me and the bump. I just can't help but cringe away from intimacy and affection.
I love him, talking to him, being around him and hugging him but that's as far as it goes nowadays. I don't know if it's just the pregnancy and once the baby's here it'll all be different. But I think hes starting to realise and I can see it's hurting him and I just don't know what to because I love him just not in a sexual way.
Any help would be appreciated.
Thank you!!

Pregnancy can definitely change feelings towards your partner due to all the hormones and new feelings swirling around. I wouldn’t be too hasty unless there were other problems in your relationship besides this. The fact that you still want his hugs and company is positive, it genuinely could just be the sexual chemistry having a temporary pause.

I had a pregnancy in the past with hyperemesis and I literally couldn’t stand to be anywhere near my partner at the time. The smell of him caused me to gag, it was literally like he was the most repulsive being to ever exist. And the sicker I got, the more annoyed and more turned off by him I got.

Was the pregnancy planned, OP? Just out of interest and for context.

@QueenOfPain I don't recall feeling like this before pregnancy so I am hoping that that's all it is in the end. I just don't know whether I should say something to him? Or if that will just hurt him more.
I was the same when I was going through morning sickness can't even imagine with hyperemesis!

@Wearenotyourkind no it wasn't planned just more of a case of we didn't do much to stop it from happening hahaa.

Is your lack of desire causing an issue or is he just happy to go with the flow? I think if I were you and I was certain there had been no other problems then i’d probably ride it out and see how I felt afterwards.

Having said that, this is still a new relationship, who knows what point you’d have been at in the relationship if you’d not got the impending new baby keeping you together. Things might have ended or being ending naturally by now, otherwise. But it’s just as probably that they wouldn’t be and it is just hormones. See how you go!

How old are you and your partner?

@QueenOfPain It's causing an issue because he still wants to have sex but I'm just not in the mood. I think he feels unwanted which I understand but I don't mean to make him feel that way.
@Wearenotyourkind I'm 21 and my partner is 28

Well he’s no right to sex, and it’s fairly common for sex to wane during pregnancy, so perhaps he needs to do some reading about what a pregnant woman’s needs are likely to be, and some talking to you about your actual needs.

Perhaps the issue here is his sense of entitlement to your body...? What can start of as a small shift in libido can become a big thing the more you’re pressured to do things you don’t fancy doing right now.

@Wearenotyourkind Are you going anywhere with this or are you just working yourself up to judge the OP and offer no practical help at all?

@QueenOfPain I don't think he means to be that way but I don't think he knows how influential hormones can be!
I think you have hit part of the issue there. The pressure to have sex causes me stress and anxiety to the point where I don't want to do it all. That's why I don't like him touching me sometimes because I feel like he's tryna pursue sex, he's stopped doing that as much now though.

The thing is you’ve not even been together a year so this should be the really fun, breezy, hot part of your relationship. But you got pregnant really quick so it’s normal that it isn’t. My first baby, my dh did not get anywhere near me from the night I got pregnant until our baby was 7 months old. I was not interested, sex when pregnant is not comfortable, and once she was here, we both were so desperate for sleep, I would have given up sex forever at that point! It’s totally normal. You just are pregnant at a time when you expect it to not feel normal. If you built a solid foundation though, with work, it will come back when things settle down a bit. It does take time though. It took until both mine were 1-2 before things were a bit more normal.

@QueenOfPain you've misinterpreted. Not here to judge at all. Just asking questions for context. Give me a break.

@FakeTurtle so many changes happen during pregnancy, that I guess it can be hard to work out which are pregnancy related and which are general life changes? Are you able to talk to your partner honestly about how you feel or not (I know not always easy)?

@FakeTurtle firstly congratulations on your pregnancy!

I was with my DH for just 4 months when I got pg (unplanned). I was very much in love but then went very quickly to irritation. I had bad ms and I literally could not have him near me. I felt so sick all the time. Smells repulsed me including his smell!! Oh it was baaaaad lol

Could count on one hand number of times we ml during my pregnancy. Took us a while to get back into it after the pregnancy too.

What I'm trying to say is, it is normal. We all react in sufferer ways. I think because our relationships were both so new, it must have been a shock to our systems. I had to get to know him in a whole new light, I felt vulnerable and scared.

Everything will be ok. Try and talk to him about how your feeling. Hopefully he will be understanding. Hormones and vulnerability are real aspects of pregnancy. An understanding partner can be very reassuring.