Is it selfish to wish for more?

[birdsnesthairdo]

This morning, my lovely but very unromantic and shy bloke said 'Shall we get married?'

I was shocked- he's always been reticent due to a bad marriage in his 20s. I've recently been ill and in hospital for a few weeks, which has probably prompted things.

I do want to be his wife, not keen on a big wedding, so it will probably be as small and unflashy as we can manage without upsetting too many family members.

Is it too grabby and selfish to want an engagement ring, and perhaps to be surprised and asked properly?

Yes.

Honestly, yes.

You say he is shy. He isnt the most romantic. But you love him?

He asked you in a way that was him.

I think part of entering into a marriage is entering into an agreement to accept the person as they are. Can you live with this proposal? If not, then perhaps it's not a great idea to marry him either. This is who he is.

No it’s not at all imo - some people have visions of what it’ll look like and it’s normal to feel let down when it doesn’t happen that way.

I got an engagement ring thankfully but would have preferred if he would have proposed whilst we were away in Germany or Iceland but he did it when we got back to the UK although he’s not originally from here etc.

So half on half.

It was his way, which makes it genuine and worth the sun and moon.

I don’t think so. Doesn’t sound like he will though. In any case, congrats!

No it's not grabby or selfish. I've only seen it on MN where it seems to be an issue that a woman might like a bit of effort in a proposal. STBEXH's proposal was shit. I did say yes, was young and thought I didn't need romance. Now I look back and think it was shit and showed a real lack of effort. If I ever am in that situation again, I'd like a bit of thought and romance to it. Doesn't have to be about big flashy rings or grand gestures, but a bit of thought and romance wouldn't be amiss.

Nope, YANBU!!! how disappointing 😧you’ll get LOADS of people telling you you should have expected this from him, ya Di ya ya, BUT this is one of the highlights of your LIFE! Of course you want something special. If he’s serious, tell him to ask you again when he’s gotten a ring and at a more “appropriate” time. I would definitely tell him (subtly)that your hoping its going to be a bit more memorable than the first proposal! DONT settle for less and just be “happy he asked you”. He can ask you and make it special!!!