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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do I learn to trust?

13 replies

nonicks · 03/08/2019 04:01

Living with partner.
So many things don’t add up.
Uses my car in my name, runs up parking tickets which half the time he denies.
Saw a few emails from ‘hot meet up’s’ on his phone which one was read the other ignored. Said he had joined sites before he met me.
Other things in email from some other site and one responded to in early hours last month although he said he didn’t do it.
Money used from my account that he denied.
I want so so much to believe him. He’s said I can check his phone but what’s the point he deletes everything.
I’ve been in abusive relationships before, both mentally and physically.
I don’t want to fuck this up with my insecurities. When I question him on stuff that doesn’t make sense he gets angry with me.
I feel he doesn’t fancy me anymore.
I’ve been signposted to various groups for support for my past.
Why can’t I trust him? I want to with all my heart.

OP posts:
nonicks · 03/08/2019 04:05

I know he lies, I just have a gut feeling, even about stupid stuff. It’s like lying is his default? I can’t get my head around it.

OP posts:
nonicks · 03/08/2019 04:06

Oh and he has admitted to lying about stupid stuff too. Why do people do that?

OP posts:
Sadiesnakes · 03/08/2019 04:22

You'll never trust him, he's a liar.

End of.

nonicks · 03/08/2019 04:26

Just can’t get my head around the lies though? Why? I’m not an ogre but I’m now deeply insecure. They just roll off his tongue, I hear him lying to people all the time. Why?
Sorry I know know one can answer that but I’m going crazy here.
My mental health is suffering badly, not because of him but past stuff.
All I want is love and trust, why’s it not that simple?

OP posts:
Sadiesnakes · 03/08/2019 04:34

This is another abusive relationship I'm afraid, lying and gaslighting is one of the worst forms of abuse in a relationship and by sounds of it he's a chronic liar, he won't change or get better, he's going to ruin your life if you don't walk away.

I'm sorry op, if you want any quality of life you need to leave.

onlyonceortwice · 03/08/2019 04:35

You can't trust him because he's not trustworthy. You know he lies to you. You've said so yourself. So why would you want to trust him?

He is gaslighting you too.

nonicks · 03/08/2019 05:06

Thanks for your responses.
I just for once wanted to trust.
Has anyone successfully lived with someone that lies about small things to big things?
Thing is I’m still clutching at straws. It’s pathetic but I know I am.
Where’s the man I fell in love with? The one I started from the outset to not let past shit get in the way?
I’m lying to myself aren’t I 😢
I’ll roll the old line out but he can be so lovely. Recently though I’ve noticed that he actually doesn’t listen to me. It’s all about him and building his business which I’ve fully supported. I try to say little things sometimes, just something I’ve seen or about my day and he’ll interject with whatever is going round in his head.
I feel like I bore him, like I irritate him when I say ‘I was just talking to you about blah blah’ and especially when I pull him up on things. He’s says I want a row and I’m turning it all on him but genuinely I’m not. He says I’m playing the victim?!
So sorry for rambling on I just need to get this out there.
Been awake all night while he’s snoring merrily in his slumber. Got to be up by 6am.
I just wish against wish he could see that he doesn’t have to lie to me. I’m open, honest, faithful and loyal. I just want him to be that with me. Shit I am sounding pathetic aren’t I 😢

OP posts:
FuriousVexation · 03/08/2019 05:22

I just wish against wish he could see that he doesn’t have to lie to me. I’m open, honest, faithful and loyal. I just want him to be that with me

Lovey I'm sorry but he will never do that. He's a pathological liar and you have no idea of who he really is

After your previous abusive relationships did you have any counselling or do the Freedom programme? Because it looks like you've walked straight from one abuser to another

quirkycutekitch · 03/08/2019 05:49

From your last post I just wanted to share with you this saying that I heard when me & ex broke up & it rings so true - ‘the opposite of love isn’t hate I t’s indifference’

Move on from this liar.

lawnmowingsucks · 03/08/2019 06:10

Where’s the man I fell in love with?

As time passes he's allowing you to see who he truly is. Believe him and make a decision about your own future based on who you see now

SeaEagle21 · 03/08/2019 06:14

Why can’t I trust him? I want to with all my heart

You can't trust him because he can't be trusted. Stop trying to regain something which was never there - the man you fell in love with was never really there OP. He reeled you in and now you are seeing his true character.

nonicks · 03/08/2019 06:14

Thank you.
I’m actually being treated under the mental health team.
I’ve been signposted to various organisations which I’m embracing and very thankful for the help I’m receiving.
However, I’ve not brought up this issue yet, only a week into opening up but I read threads on here all the time and I know what is happening but I’m wishing it wasn’t.
This wasn’t how it was meant to be, what I envisaged. I suppose it’s just time. Time to build myself up and be strong, but I love him. When we get on it’s amazing.
Maybe I’m being too self absorbed and looking for things? Let’s face it a lot of people have demons but I do listen to him, his hopes, his fears.
I’m just wary of the fact that I’m letting my past taint things and maybe looking for something that doesn’t exist?
Sorry if this is all jumbled but thank you for reading and responding.

OP posts:
whatevertrever · 03/08/2019 07:51

Hi OP. I had to reply to this one. He sounds exactly the same as my x husband. He started out nice, although looking back I definitely overlooked red flags.

When I met him 16 years ago Mumsnet didn't exist unfortunately. Luckily for you, you have this forum to give you the insight and perspective that I missed. I am also a trustworthy, loyal etc person which is why it was easy for someone like him to take advantage of me. I would never expect someone to pretend to love me so that they could use me, because it would never occur to me to do that! But unfortunately I have learned the hard way that people do.

Over the years my husbands treatment of me went from nice in the beginning and very gradually got nastier and nastier. Never violent, but subtle put downs, not coming home, not listening to me, saying I'm boring, only being interested in himself. Lies lies lies about everything! Stonewalling, gaslighting, then I found a second phone and discovered an affair and loads of other girls blah blah blah. Then a serious drug problem came to light! And his drinking was a nightmare. Life became more and more awful and of course I felt to ashamed to talk to anyone in real life which didn't help. I discovered he was into choking women and a load of other sexual stuff which he kept separate from me. To him women are objects to fuck and use.

Anyway, turns out I didn't know this man at all. We are married with 4 children!! He was using me to make him look like he was a good normal family man. When in fact I have now discovered that he is a very damaged man who was raped by his uncles friends at about 6 years old and grew up with a father who beat up his mum and was an alcoholic abuser.

He is a pathological liar and cheat. He needs new women/sex and drugs to make him feel ok. He has zero empathy and is a totally self centred user. I have learned that he is a covert narcissist and I would say your partner definitely is one as well. Please read up on it. You will be shocked how it rings true.

You are vulnerable and he is taking advantage of you. You need to educate yourself about the covert narsissist and how to end a relationship with one in the best way. Otherwise they can make your life hell. Mine did. But thank god me and the kids are not with him anymore and I am able to start improving my mental health so this doesn't happen again. The longer you spend with this nasty man the more damage he will do to your mental health and life. You are not being insecure, you are being abused again and you need to get out.

You can trust again in time. Because when you read up about the covert narsissist you will learn the signs that you can spot very early on to prevent yourself from falling prey to one of these horrible men again. And one day you will meet someone who is a good person just like you clearly are. Take care of yourself x

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