Give up on OLD?

[toffeeapple123]

I must have scrolled through thousands of profiles on several apps by now. One date in 5 months. He admitted to cheating on his ex Now back to swiping 'no' to an endless sea of undesirable men. Looks aren't everything, by any means, but if I posted the photos here, you'd all be aghast with me.

Have all the good men been taken?

I'm really trying to broaden my horizons but it's just not working.

Online dating.....the odds are good.....but the goods are odd.

@toffeeapple123 I don't think online dating is for everyone. I know super lovely men who might not be considered attractive and hence don't have much luck. My ex is gorgeous and was inundated yet has a dark and abusive side. Personally I think try and keep your options open if you can, get out and about to meetups and events. I have friends who have met people whilst out bar hopping or salsa or gin tasting or even walking groups. I personally have very little free time so can't pursue these hence am alone but once my kids are bigger, I'll be trying these.

"Online dating.....the odds are good.....but the goods are odd."

That is the best OD summary I've ever read @Lifecraft !

Online dating has always been a mixed bag/minefield for me. Saying that, I can't even count the number of my friends on two hands who have met/married/had kids with someone they've met online (all but one couple still together after a number of years).

I think people are right when they say it's a numbers game. For me, this was the main problem as I'm not much one for putting myself out there (going out in general).

From previous experience, 'decent' men on OD seem to come waves, with sometimes long droughts in between. Don't see that as a reason to drop your standards. There ARE decent men out there - it's just the whole 'right place right time' game that's fucker!

Meant to add - don't deny yourself the chance to go out to the pub/gigs/whatever. OD can be stressful and totally disheartening - sign out and have some fun.

Kind of ironically, I met my DP at a gig during the time I was not having a very nice time on Tinder etc. (Turns out he was on there too, so who knows? We might just have met anyway.)

I would agree. Only men I met on there were liars and cheaters. It is depressing. So so so many married men.

What did it for me was that a husband of one of my friends appeared on my swipe list. I was so shocked I didn't screenshot. It was definitely him rather than someone using his photo as the 'blurb' was him I could tell.

Plucked up courage to tell friend and needless to say she is now an ex friend and won't have anything to do with me.

I contemplated using a dating agency as at least I would hope they vet the men first so you know you're not sat opposite some married cheating arsehole but those agencies charge £££

I met my husband OLD. You do have to filter through the shite though!
I set quite high requirements. I’ll probably get flamed but I put they needed to be at least degree educated. That filtered out most of the stained tracksuit wearers. I’m sure I missed out on some lovely guys but it honestly made it much easier.

Oh OP I feel ya.

I started a thread in chat this morning.

I am more depressed now that I am OLD than I was just being single

I've been online dating for years on and off. I've met some lovely and some awful women. It's the real world, there are a lot of idiots around. I've met people in real life too and not dissimilar decent/awful proportions.
I accept there will be a mixture and I will occasionally meet someone lovely. Like real life. Thus it doesn't bother me when there's no one swipe worthy.
Maybe only do it occasionally?

It’s definitely a numbers game. Go on as many dates as you can, they’re all good experience. Obviously don’t meet up with people who you find completely unattractive but those who you aren’t 100% sure on are worth a chance. You may fancy them more if they have a funny/ endearing/ charming personality when you meet up.

I was single for ten years, with online dating in various forms. It was utterly depressing and I had absolutely given up, to the point I was trying to have a family using IVF and a sperm donor.

You have to have REALLY given up on men to go through that, but I knew I wanted a family more than anything.

Then one day, I was scrolling Tinder mostly to remind myself why I was still single. Mr Perfect appeared and we’ve been inseparable ever since.

It took TEN YEARS and I want to cry every time I think of how close I was to never finding him.

I'm very choosy. In a year I've talked to lots but only continue chatting if they make an effort and only agree to meet them if there is something really promising about them. So in about 15 months, I've met up with 5, had a 6 month relationship with one and just getting to know another one.

If they sound at all dodgy or if they don't have something that makes me want to meet them, I don't. Out of the ones I've met, there was only one weird one, the others are really nice and one has become a good friend. So keep your standards high, there is no rush and after having suffered bad relationships, the last thing I do is want to get into another one.

I think with online dating it's all down to luck. As someone put on another thread it's a numbers game.

I've found a lot of men (not all of them) are on the rebound and/or just want hookups.

Even on the paying sites men have suggested sex after a first date or even mentioned it during the first date even if they claim to want a relationship (I turn them down). I don't wear revealing clothes and I put on my profile that I want a relationship. They just try their luck.

I've decided to get out more and enjoy life. If the right guy comes along then great, if not then so be it. Good luck with the dating

I echo what a lot of posters on here say. I didn't meet my current DP from OLD in the end (was through work). I did do it for about 18 months. No nightmare stories but no one who I went on to have a r'ship with either. There was 1 that I really did like.. but he didn't feel the same. Others felt it with me but me not with them. I do totally agree about carrying on with your own life though. It can be soul destroying at times.

The thing I found was that a few of them said.. I had a really lovely time but I felt that 'elusive chemistry' was missing. I agree that that's a thing, however I find that in general men walk away if there are not Instant fireworks. I would have gone out with a few of them a second time to see if there was anything there, but they just moved on. We all know that often relationships that start in pure lust and tummy flips often aren't the ones that last.

Do try some other sites too though OP. Good luck.