Think it's time to separate.

[twocats335]

Nearly 30 years together. Two dds 11 and 10. I can't take any more of his moodiness and short fuse. Mortgage is paid for but I'd like to be the one to move out with dds. Where do I start? How do I get my ducks in order? TIA.

Solicitor's advice.

Make sure your money is in a separate account, gather any and all important paperwork, get a solicitor.

Thanks. I do have a separate account. I work PT but don't earn very much compared to dh. Wondering if I should look for somewhere to rent and whether I'd be entitled to any help?

Do you work?
Do you have your own separate bank account?
Do you have savings/a f*k off fund?
Are you married?
As previous posters have said -ensure all your paperwork is in order and possibly get a Solicitor.

Yes, married

What paperwork do I need? Sorry to sound so dumb.

Why are you planning to leave the house? It sounds like you earn less and will be primary carer for the dc, so your housing need will be greater. If you leave, he could be quite awkward about selling up and slow things down for you getting your share.

Category, I feel like if I'm able to have my own place, I won't rely on him and it will be like a new start.

Well that IS your own place. You could ask him to leave because it's your children's home and they should have some degree of stability. You're both entitled to some of it but a decent man with good earnings, would not ask you to leave.

Speak to a solicitor to find out what you're going to need to do.x

I'm wondering about him and where he would go. Also, what if he refuses?

Well if he refuses it might be easier to get the house on the market and each take your share of the proceeds.

Who cares where he goes? That's his concern isn't it? And as the bigger earner, he will be able to rent or buy somewhere else.

You need to speak to a solicitor. Don't decide or do anything until you do.

I'll see if I can get a free half hour with one. Are Women's Aid and CAB a useful resource too?
I can't believe I'm finally thinking about this. We've been together since we were students. When it's good it's lovely and we're so close in many ways but there has been a lot of upset because of his temper and moods over the years. I couldn't enjoy my pregnancies because he was unhappy.
He's been in the spare room for the last three nights because he's angry with me over something. Thing is, I would normally be trying to talk to him to sort things out but I'm tired of the same situation. I'm sick of his prolonged reactions and I can't be bothered to grovel.
I thought my girls might be upset if we split but now that they're getting older and more wise to him, I'm not sure that they'd be too bothered.

Oh, if he's abusive, then getting out/away is a higher priority. You may possibly be able to get an occupation order for the house, but you need advice. You may get Legal Aid due to the DA.

Paperwork you want is passports, birth certificates, marriage certificate, and ideally take copies of anything financial so you have a really good idea of what assets there are/his income.

Women's Aid are definitely good in an abusive situation. Are you?

SHELTER also have legal advice regarding housing.

OP - this house is not only your house but the kids home.
Separate if hey is what would make you happy - but also think about them.
It makes no sense for you to move out with them - and will cause them upset about losing their home.

In a divorce - you are entitled to half of assets, and might even get maintenance - depending on his income and your needs vs your income.
For the sake of your kids wellbeing - don’t just think of your need to get away from him. He needs to fully fulfil his financial obligations and for that you need to go through divorce in a proper way. Not just run away because you can’t take it anymore.

Legal aid, free solicitor advice, etc - use all the means to get it started and buckle up. It takes time, but is unavoidable, and in the end you’ll feel better.
Good luck

Thanks all for your advice. I've got a lot to think about.

OP you need good advice and you won’t get it on here. A lot of it is wildly speculative and meaningless without detailed financial information

Get copies of all the paperwork. In fact just make sure you both have access to it all. It will be needed further down the line

But the real problem you have is whether you can get your husband to sit down and have a grown up conversation about your situation. If you want to split then he needs to know. Although if he is abusive then you should just leave.

If not, the best thing you can both do is to accept the marriage is over and then make plans on how you can both move on. The priority will be the children and what you both do for them. They won’t want or need you both to be in a state of war. Both you and him are going to take big financial hits and you both need to deal with that.