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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Step children

11 replies

Mumlifeof3 · 02/08/2019 20:51

Hi im after some advice. Im 31 with two children from a previous relationship a boy 7years old and a girl 4years old. I have a different partner from their dad now and we have been together 3 years. He also has a son the age of 8. We are always falling out over the boys. He tells me son off for everything yet his son gets away with alot. His son is always accidentally hurting my son and as my son never come to tell me hes started to hit back and that makes him the one getting into alot of trouble because my son is the one who is stronger. His son does things when no1 is watching but my son foes anything infront of any1 even if hes going to get in trouble. I always feel like im trying to protect my son from getting told off and dont trust my bf to look after my son as he will always take his sons side. Everytime i try to bring this up to my bf he puts the blame always on my son and says everytime his son hurts my son its an accident but when my son hurts his son its on purpose. I just dont know if i should walk away or if im the 1 being blind and need to punish my son more when he hurts his son and just put up with his son getting away with stuff because its when no1 is around. Please help x

OP posts:

Hecateh · 02/08/2019 22:09

walk away - you are, in effect, telling your son he is worth less than your partner's son.
He will eventually resent it and either hurt the other child badly or, more likely, take it out on you with poor behaviour and lack of respect.

7yo7yo · 02/08/2019 22:09

Walk away.
Protect your kids.

Mum4Fergus · 02/08/2019 22:13

I'd walk away. Your own children must always come first.

Original poster

Mumlifeof3 · 02/08/2019 22:14

My son has already said to me that its not fair his step brother always gets away with everything so he has started to notice it himself. My son is normally well behaved but hes starting to be abit naughty lately and even taking it out on his little sister now

OP posts:

Pimmsypimms · 02/08/2019 22:14

This is never going to work op. By staying with him you are saying to your son that you aren't on his side. This will cause irreparable damage to your relationship. You need to put your son first.

Livelovebehappy · 02/08/2019 22:22

Your DPs son may have a different tale to tell. You are typically saying your son is the ‘goody’ in all this, and your DPs son is the ‘baddie’. I think we sometimes can be blinkered when it comes to our own DCs. But regardless, I would walk away as you’re both on different pages and joint parenting is just not going to work in this situation.

Hopoindown31 · 03/08/2019 07:31

His son does things when no1 is watching but my son foes anything infront of any1 even if hes going to get in trouble.

So your son is being seen hitting his son and claiming that he has been provoked out of sight.

FagashJackie · 03/08/2019 07:38

It hardly matters which child is hitting. Their parents will argue about it.

Wishihad · 03/08/2019 08:01

It seems you both have the same issue. You both believe your child hasnt done anything wrong. You are even blaming his son for your son being nasty to his sister.

For the sake of both kids, you need to split up. It's not fair on either of them. It's impossible for us to say if its home or you or a bit of both. But it isnt working for your kids. Whose fault it is doesnt really matter. What matters is the kids. And this sint hood for them.

Original poster

Mumlifeof3 · 03/08/2019 13:46

His son does things that i see but his dad doesnt

OP posts:

LemonSqueezy0 · 03/08/2019 14:48

You can tie yourself up in knots and mental gymnastics trying to make it anyone else's fault but your son's, but in a material way it doesn't matter.
If the boys fight, and they and others are getting hurt, and relationships are being damaged, then you and your DP can't be together. You have to walk away.

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