First time poster and I am looking for people who have had experience in this sort of relationship.
My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other since last April. He finally made it official with me in December after many ups and downs of him not wanting to commit as wasn’t sure if he wanted a relationship etc. we split up for a bit in September and he decided that by Christmas he wanted to be with me and things have been pretty great on and off since then, he’s introduced me to family, I’ve met a lot of his close friends, we have had a holiday together since then and things had been moving slowly but surely along. I am an insecure person, having lost 7 stone I do feel like I need a lot of reassurance from him and he isn’t really one to give compliments or talk about his feelings. It’s got to a point with me where I feel very strongly about him and would want to tell him I love him and start talking about moving in and future plans etc. He is a typical guy in many ways of not thinking of making many plans across the week and is laid back with so many aspects of his life, he works from home and doesn’t seem motivated by anything. He doesn’t have goals really and the type of person who has an idea of where they see themselves in 5 years etc. He is a coaster and is living each day as it comes. I have a job where I manage a lot of people and am fairly decisive and like to make plans and know where I’m going and what I’m doing. I’m 30 and he’s 35 and I want to know that what I’m in is for the long haul with someone who cares deeply for me. He hasn’t loved anyone deeply in years since his first few early relationships and has shown concerns that he is worried he is commitment-phobic. In the last month I have tried to express my feelings to him of how much I care, we have a lot of fun together and never argue etc but I want to know he sees a future with me as he never tells me how he feels about me etc.
He said he likes me a lot but doesn’t feel like he’s where I am at the moment.
It’s all come up again this week as I feel like he isn’t prioritising me and I feel like he has no get up and go about making plans to see me etc. I can’t work out if it’s just him being him or if it’s because of something more deep rooted.
we decided yesterday to take some time to think until Monday. It’s only been a day but I was struggling and wanted to speak with him. He says he doesn’t know why he doesn’t have deeper feelings for me now. I told him if we break up now that will be it, I don’t want the comings and goings like we had last September. he says he still wants time to think as he doesn’t want to make the wrong decision, so have ageeed to speak again on Monday.
I guess I want to know has anyone come across a man like this before. I want to be a confident independent Beyoncé type of woman but I am just feeling so sad at the prospect of losing him even though I know it can’t be right to be with someone who can’t love me or potentially would be settling to stay with me. I don’t know if he’s just slow developing these feelings or whether it is just doomed.
We have talked briefly about children and a future together and taking next steps but it’s never something that naturally comes up in conversation really.
Please give me advice, have you been with someone who was like this and come through the other side. Or have you been with someone you love who just doesn’t love you back. I know I am going to really struggle if it’s ending with him. As he’s all I have ever wanted in a relationship and other than these fundamental problems which have risen more recently, I have been loving being in a relationship with him. :-( please help!