NC mother advice please

[CuckooCuckooClock]

Trying to make a decision and don’t have anyone to talk this over with so I’m hoping some of you lovely people can help.
I went NC with my DM about 4years ago. I had had periods of NC and LC before.
I won’t go into all the details of why but she was a horrible bully to me when I was a child (and young adult). I have tried to put that behind me and work on getting on with her as 2 adults but she kept on with nasty passive aggressive comments and I was getting really upset every time I saw her so I decided to go NC.
The only time I’ve seen her in the last 4 years was at my grans funeral (her mother), again when I went to collect some of my grans things from my grans old house and earlier this week.
I think meeting up with her was a mistake. It was horribly awkward and it’s clear that she is going to make no effort to change (she thinks everything is my fault). Since then I’ve felt terrible. Suffering from crippling anxiety. She text yesterday to meet up again but in a vague way - no actual date/place.
I don’t want to see her again but I feel guilty and I don’t know how to respond to her text.
Thank you for reading. Please help me to decide what I should do.

If the very thought of meeting her feel you with so much dread AND she has made it clear she isn’t going to chance then I would continue the NC.

You don’t actually have to respond. She didn’t suggest a time or day or place so there is nothing to respond to.

Fills you. Not feel you

Thank you for your reply.
I am just wondering if I made it clear that I didn’t want to see her again then I would find it easier to move on rather than have the threat of another message from her hanging over me.
Maybe that feeling will fade in time IDK

In these circumstances I would be quite direct, something like:
“I have decided that I no longer want to be in contact with you. I understand that you may find this upsetting but I have to put my own needs first. Please respect my decision”

Rather than thinking there is not much to respond to in her text so leaving it unresolved. She is maybe testing the water with you by sending a vague text and you should answer her question which appears to be ‘do you want to meet me again?’

If you do, I wouldn’t go into details as to why. That will open you up to her being able to respond.

If you do, short and to the point. ‘It is better to go back to the ways thing we’re before grandma died. I wish you well’

Done. No excuse, no justification, just fact.

Don’t feel guilty, you need to protect your own MH and go NC

Thank you all for your replies.
I will send her a message as suggested.
I feel better already.

Yes, definitely do not feel guilty.

You felt really bad at the thought because inside is a Little Cuckoo who was never really parented by her, who was really damaged by her, and who has been protected by your NC. she is looking to you to protect her always - the way her mother should, but never did.

We re-parent our Littles every day. Being in touch with your Mum would be abandoning your Little Cuckoo. Well done for deciding to protect her - and so no wonder you feel better!

I keep a photo of me age about 4 on front of my mirror, so every day I remember she is my first responsibility.

Your mother couldn't parent you adequately - thank goodness you can and are x

Thank you christmas
You are right. I like the idea of having a photo of me as a child but I would find it far too painful to look at regularly. A school photo of me and my brother was actually one of the things I took from my grans house. It’s the only photo I have of me as a child and it breaks my heart to see that little girl and knowing what she went through.

No advice to add that the PPs haven't given. Just wanted to say that I empathise with everything you describe, you're not alone. Wishing you luck and the happiness you deserve in your life xx

Thank you

I also find it difficult to look at a photo of my 5 year old self.

My daughter has been nc with me for a couple of years.

I respect her decision.

I she needs me I am here.

But if she needs space I will stay away.