No dtd

[SwordofGryffindor]

With my DP two years we do bits once or twice a month. Is this normal for 26 year olds ?? I feel like he doesnt fancy me.

I guess it depends on what else is going on in your life. At 26 you ought to be bonking several times a week if you are in a happy relationship. But kids, work, MH or other health issues can all affect libido. Do you make a move on your partner and get brushed off? Or do you wait for your DP to make advances on you? If you are intimate in other ways such as kissing and cuddling then it is less essential to be DTD for closeness. I'm guessing that you wish you were getting it more?

Nope I don't think it is

Thanks Penny.
I'm just out of hospital for anxiety and depression. He says hes exhausted all the time from me stressing him out cause I was so sick (before).
So it's been like this since I've been hospitalised. I was there 3 months but it's been like this since Feb.
We go to bed and he just falls asleep !! Haha I think aswell because I cant have penetrative sex it's more an effort??

Everyone is different. The only thing that counts is whether you are both happy with that amount or not.

Don’t listen to anyone saying “at your age you should be shagging each other’s brains out” or “maybe he has a porn addiction”.

Hi OP, sorry things got so overwhelming for you.

It sounds like you were hospitalised in May and the lack of sex pre-dated that for about 3 months. Is that right?

Is it possible you started to have symptoms back in Feb which were making him wary and causing him extra "work" looking out for you? I know I've been in a similar situation with a loved one showing signs of increasing mh problems and it can be really fucking scary and stressful.

You mentioned you don't have penetrative sex, is that due to past trauma? Or physical issues eh vulvodynia that could be caused by trauma? Is he worried (probably subconsciously) that if he initiates he will be re-traumatising you?

Right now I think the important thing is him supporting you emotionally on your journey back to health. Yes sex is an important part of a relationship but him having your back is more important right now.

🌷

Right now I think the important thing is him supporting you emotionally on your journey back to health. Yes sex is an important part of a relationship but him having your back is more important right now.

As long as he is able to do this without significantly impacting his own health and wellbeing, of course.

I agree with @Hopoindown31

I agree that you shouldn't feel pressure to be having sex regularly. If you're both happy with it then that's all that matters. I'm guessing you're not, so maybe speak to him about it? Maybe he has some issue or he's waiting on you making the first move and you're waiting on him to do so.

If you have had health problems then you have your answer. He's been so involved with caring for you while you were unwell that sex simply isn't a priority for him at the moment. He sounds like a sweetheart to care so much and it's perfectly possible that he could have a bit of depression or anxiety himself following you being so unwell. I think perhaps you need to focus on date nights and cuddles for a while. Focus on you as a couple after so much stress. Remind each other that life can be fun and why you are together. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before your sex life gets back to normal.

Pennypittstop, it's a possible answer, it may not be the real one.

Sword, do you cuddle? Is he affectionate in other ways?