How do you know if you're in love?

[5rosebud]

Just that really. Interested to hear other people's opinions.

I know the romantic feelings wain after around 2 years so how do you know you're still in love after this time?

Being 'in love' is a made up concept defined by romance writers. It's a state ppl tell themselves they are in.

If you're happy in your relationship it matters not if you believe yourself in 'in love' it's not a binary state. You're happy enough to stay with someone or unhappy enough to leave. It's a scale. That's it.

I think being 'in love'and loving are referred to as two different things. However, being 'in love' is often what we refer to in those lusty first whiles. When you can think of nothing else and your heart actually hurts. I don't think all that many people maintain those first feelings forever. It settles into something less vivid. But still the feelings remain. Consider yourself without him. That's all you need to know.

It's a cliché, but I think you just know. I have never questioned it. For me the romantic feelings didn't wane this time, I can't wait to see him, I miss him when he's not here, I love spending time with him whatever we're doing. He makes me feel safe and special and "home". He is always the first person I want to talk to. Whether we're cleaning the house or going on holiday or doing something stressful or something passionate, it doesn't matter.

But I suspect there's a scale for this type of thing, too, and some people are much more black and white. I have friends who won't settle for anything other than continuous butterflies; and friends who just ask themselves if they still want this person around every so often and act on the answer. And at least one friend who is with someone who she doesn't love, but feels like he's alright and he loves her, and is okay with that.

Im a bit old and cynical for all that "in love" bollocks, but he makes me smile when i think of him, i enjoy everything more when im in his company, he makes me laugh, and he makes me feel like im a priority in his life. The thought of him leaving me makes me feel a bit sick. We've only been together a year, though. Ask me again in a couple of years!

@AnchorDownDeepBreath that's exactly how I imagine it should be. Can I ask how long you have been with your partner?

I've been with my husband 3 years and I fancy him more and more every day. It's like the attraction and love becomes more intense, rather than fading.
In other relationships, I've had the attraction at the beginning and it's died down and then the relationship has slowly fizzled out and I've worked hard to keep it going and not been happy. But this time I don't have to put the work in, it feels like everything is as it should be.

When I'm with him I feel content, safe, valued.

When I'm not I think about him and feel warm inside.

He makes me smile and I love seeing the smile I put on his face.

It's been 3 1/2 years and I still look forward to seeing him (we don't live together).

As far as I'm concerned I feel that I'm in love with him. Who knows for sure? That's half the fun of it

Thanks for all the responses

I have been with my partner for 10 years and married for 18 months. For the first 3/4 years I definitely felt like how you have all described. However I now find myself questioning the relationship and whether I'm truly happy.

I keep wondering whether I would be happier with someone else and more fulfilled. Or whether that is just a fairytale and eventually the romance and 'loving feelings' will always fade in a long term relationship.

@5rosebud I had to think about that! We're in our fifth year, and getting married next year. Not as long as many, granted, but I can't see this changing. It's literally never been any different.

I'm glad it resonated and hopefully helped a little