HELP me

[MGJ818]

Hey,

So I need some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years, we met in the first year of uni and are now quite serious. In June he spent a month in China doing an internship, during this time we argued quite a lot due to me thinking he wasn't spending enough time trying to schedule in talking to me. Due to these arguments, we stopped talking for a few days, he then messaged me explaining a girl had tried to kiss him in a club there but he had pulled away as soon as he realized what was happening. We decided to put our problems aside and he reassured me he would put in all the effort needed to fix the damage. The day he returned home we met up and everything was great, however, a few days later we began arguing again and this resulted in him explaining he isn't sure if he is ready for a long term relationship (we are both 21). We spoke about it a lot and thought we would try and see how we felt after spending the day together, however I really struggled with this and kept bringing it up as I felt like I was in limbo, after a few hours of talking he admitted he did entertain the kiss for a moment and then pulled away - I think I always knew this was the case but hearing it from him was a big shock. Now we are left in a position where he is still saying he isn't sure about the relationship mainly because he is not sure if he is ready and does not want to hurt me again. I so desperately want this relationship to work as before this we have had no serious problems. I don't know if the kiss and the thoughts he is having are just a wobble and I should work at trying to convince him are relationship is good and trying to forgive him myself or whether it is time to say goodbye. This is my first serious relationship and we do make each other very happy for the most part. Please help.

Im sorry you are hurting but I suspect the relationship may have naturally run its course. You are young to settle down. Perhaps give him some space to think about what he wants though I appreciate its hard when you are uncertain of your future...

Bin. Him. Off.

You’re young. It shouldn’t be this hard

To me "I'm not sure I want a relationship and afraid I'll hurt you later" is the coward's way of saying "I don't want a relationship and I am going to hurt you as soon as I get the balls to finally break up with you."

He doesn't want to be the bad guy, and is trying to be 'nice' about it. But soon he'll finish it and justify himself to himself and you by having 'warned you and let you down gentlely'. In reality he's stringing you along, prolonging the agony and confusing you to protect his own image of being Mr Nice.

You need to stop allowing him to have all the power. Dump him and IF he finally decides he does want this relationship he can come crawling back and beg for it. But, I'm sorry, i really think he'll jog off into the sunset feeling relieved and 'nice'.

This is what they call a "Uni romance " -it works fine while you are students but then you get out into the big wide world . It has simply run its course . You are so young and have the whole world ahead of you without being tied to someone, their job and where they work . Move on . All relationships are not for life .

This is painful for you.

But I would bin him.

He's not committed. He's having doubts.

So you end it. Take charge of your own life and don't waste it on someone who isn't sure.

And then you start having lots of fun at university.

You need to date other people. Explore and enjoy it all. Not be wracked with anxiety.

He told you about the near kiss so you’d leave him and then he said more but you still didn’t take the bait.

It’s over but he doesn’t have the guts to say it, he’s waiting for you to end it.

He wants to be single.

Sorry you are feeling rubbish. But he does sound like it's over for him. End it now so you can walk away with your head held high. You don't have to date other people now. But you are in your last year of uni. Focus firstly in your course. Try to get the best grade possible. And focus second on enjoying your last year with your friends. It might not be easy, but you can do this. Good luck.

Sorry but he clearly doesn't want to be in a relationship and no matter how much you love him you can't force a relationship on someone.

I promise you, you will be fine. We've all been there and there is light at the end of the tunnel! You're young - go and enjoy yourself!

He’s ended it but is dragging his feet. You like him but it’s not reciprocated. Move on.

You're both s bit young to be settling down.

It could be you are right for each other but not until you've both seen a bit of life.

Give each other some space.
Stay friends and see what happens.

The more you push the further he pulls away - as you can see.

I got together with my exH in the second year of uni... worst mistake of my life. Being in a "committed relationship" at uni is a terrible idea. Uni is a time to grow mentally and emotionally, and usually you arent the same person leaving uni that you were when you came in.

Hes seen a bit of the world through his internship, and realised that there are more exciting things out there. Its painful but you can take a leaf out of his book, and get out there and live a bit.

So sorry you are going through this, especially as you can’t meet your bf to talk. At the risk of sounding like your patronising auntie (apologies if I do) you and your bf are at the age where you want to explore life and find out who you are; that can be wonderful but incompatible with making commitments. Your first serious relationship is huge and can set a tone for future ones, but can also tell you things about your past. Was separation a difficulty when you were a child, for example? Your bf sounds as though he’s finding many new experiences and this could be contributing to the ambivalence. When is he due back in the UK? Could you wait until then to explore this with him?