So I gave birth to our baby a month ago. It has been a very hard month. Me and bf never planned our little one but I carried on with my pregnancy.
A few weeks after giving birth I suffered from postpartum depression and was sent to a mother and baby unit. my depression was severe and I was put under band three for a week while at the unit to keep both of us safe. The sad thing was that the nearest mother and baby unit was 4 hours away. BF can't drive so in the two weeks being there he could only visit us the once.
I came home sunday the 21st, I put in so much hard work to get better but our relationship has fallen apart.
BF had a female friend. While I was away I pushed him to go out more, to sleep and have fun while I was gone. I kept urging him to go out with this female friend, it would be nice for him. But he didn't seem keen. When I came back I tried spending time with him but he would be on his phone messaging his female friend, which I thought was rude of him. The three of us met up to see the lightning storm and that is when BF let out that he had been spending a lot more time with her than he told me while I was away. I thought it was VERY odd that he didn't tell me any of this when I asked everyday what he had done. He told me everything else but missed out this part.
While he was at work I was on his computer looking at his work rota to see when he was coming home and I had this sudden pushing urge to look at his messages. I'm not proud of it but I did. I found out that he told her he was going to leave me if I didn't talk to him soon. (basically I was acting cold to him when I first came home because I felt overwhelemed and angry that the flat was so unclean and the fact I felt pushed out every time he would be on his phone when we were spending time together) I also found a photo of this girl in just a towel and he had said a "joke" to her which he had deleted and then put "i better delete that so she doesn't see it"
I confronted both of them seperately. after some time she explained she sent the photo to show off her bruising from a spa treatment and it wasn't meant to be flirty. (I obviously didn't look at the photo properly at the time because i couldn't bear it). They both say nothing is going on. He says the joke was a sex joke about having sex with her and it was just a joke. I believe him.
I then listened to what he felt. he said he would never forgive me for trying to hurt our daughter while i had postpartum, and that i should of got help sooner. He said that the day i found out i was pregnant he was actually going to dump me but then i found out i was pregnant and he didn't want to be the guy that dumps a pregnant woman. he also said that i have issues and if he joked like that to a guy i would have no problem.
I explained to him that the only reason i had such a problem was because he lied to me about hanging out with her (even though i encouraged them to hang out) and then he was investing more time into her, was confiding and talking to her but wouldn't for me and then the towel photo and the joke. sex jokes don't normally bother me but all of it together made it complicated.
ANYWAY, today i spoke to him again. I said that when I asked for him to take a few days working on us and taking a step back from the female friend that he hadn't done that. I just wanted a few days. But he was back to texting her constantly, in front of my face. Consistantly talking about her, talking to her when we were suppose to be spending one on one time with each other. and then went out with her, leaving me with our baby.
He's responded to me saying he disagrees, he hasn't cheated on me so he doesn't see the problem. I said all those feelings are still there, they don't just go and that I still feel emotionally cheated. He has now told me that he wants to go slowly, he doesn't want to go back to seeing eachother and being with each other all the time. he told me to go get some friends and be bymyself more often. We live together, we have a baby together. I don't see this being an easy task.
What I am trying to say is that I'm so angry. He's sprung this all on me a month after I've given birth. He now wants to have friends, to go out often, to see me less once we have had a child together? He wants me to be alone more often, to find friends. That isn't easy. Especially when I have a newborn taking up so much of my time. What does he expect? that we can both have full on lives and leave our little one at home alone?
I was always happy to spend my time with him and I thought he felt the same back. And now he told me he never did? He's telling me he does love me, and months into the pregnancy he loved me again. That he wants to work on us but wants to take it slowly and not see each other as much? I don't understand how this can be all possible. I'm just angry that he has sprung this on me once i find myself having less time and less friends (most of my friends quit talking to me when i got pregnant)
it feels like he's found his new life while i was at the unit and has left me behind. i feel like i've been abandoned at the time when i needed him. he said to me he doesn't trust me alone with our daughter but happily leaves me with her to go out with this girl? I just don't understand what is going on.
opinions?