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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to keep calm and composed when I want to scream?

11 replies

Changethofthenames · 31/07/2019 20:04

I’m shaking as I write this. DP left me for OW and eventually came back. It took a lot for me to let him back into our lives (we have DC), we’ve been to counselling and we agreed that we would tell the truth no matter what, this including him telling me that the OW had contacted him. We blocked her on everything but the bitch is resilient. It’s been a while since she made contact and I thought she might have just moved on but then today happened.

DP left for a run and left his phone, he took his work phone (think this was probably a mistake). Anyway, a message popped up on his phone and I couldn’t help but look. I could see who it was from but none of the details. So she’s made contact fucking AGAIN. He may be complicit in all of this, hence the shaking.

I did a little social media stalk and found she has a new boyfriend and they are on hols together with her kids yet she’s texting MY boyfriend. This has made me rage even more! Why can’t she just leave us the fuck alone? Why does she engage? Why does she feel the need to play these games? Just why?

So now onto what I do next. I want to fly at my DP when he comes through the door but that’s probably counterproductive. Do I wait and hope he will tell me she’s back on the scene? How long do I wait? I took a photo of his phone so he can’t deny this. If he doesn’t tell me this evening I’m done, for good.

OP posts:
LatentPhase · 31/07/2019 20:15

Poor you Flowers

If he has left his phone by mistake I would be highly suspicious

I couldn’t live like this. Hopefully you’ll be put out of your misery soon.

Meanwhile here and to hold

hadthesnip2 · 31/07/2019 20:23

Sorry to hear this. If you think she has a new boyfriend & is on holiday with him why do you think she called your dp first...?? Could he not have contacted her first & she might be replying with "I'm with someone new- bog off". Why do you think she initiated it first...??

rvby · 31/07/2019 20:36

Deep breaths. Stand back, give him rope and watch quietly to see if he hangs himself.

Give him 24 hours and if he doesn't mention it, I'm afraid you.might need a new game plan that includes ducks in a row and some solo counselling for yourself.

I'm sorry.

Try not to blame her. Hes your dp. Concentrate on him and his actions. Hers are a red herring.

Needsomebottle · 31/07/2019 22:58

I genuinely hate to say it but if she was blocked on everything how could she get in touch? Unless he has unblocked her? Or she has a new number and that one is saved on his phone with her name?

How long is it since they split and he came back? Whilst not unheard of by any stretch of the imagination that she would still be trying to get in touch after a long time it does seem more likely that she does it because she gets a response.

I hope he came home, saw it, told you and had bitch about it with you and then blocked that number.

HollowTalk · 31/07/2019 23:01

Oh god, I would find her boyfriend on FB and send him a message telling him. Then I think I'd dump your partner - I wouldn't be able to trust him.

He could have changed his number and blocked hers. He didn't.

SmellbowSpaceBowl · 31/07/2019 23:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Changethofthenames · 01/08/2019 11:07

He came clean. Within an hour of getting home. She is blocked everywhere but made a fake account on social media to message him. I’ve discovered she has loads of fake accounts everywhere.

He showed me the message, looks innocent of his part. She misses him, wishes he was on holiday with her and DC and wished things could be different etc. I’ve been very upset. We are deciding what to do next. I have the screenshots and am debating using them. Why should she fuck my life up but skip off into the sunset with her boyfriend who is none the wiser.

Still raging. Feeling angry at DP too for even looking in her direction in the first place

OP posts:
Snowfalling · 01/08/2019 15:09

Why hasn't he changed his number? Isn't that the best way to get rid of her?

thinkingcapon · 01/08/2019 15:20

She sounds like she needs a talking to by the police with all the fake accounts......

Alfiemoon1 · 01/08/2019 19:34

I agree could he change his number then she wouldn’t be able to contact him

Hecateh · 01/08/2019 21:13

I would have been tempted to (double) delete the message. If there had been any contact they would each think the other had dropped it - and she certainly wouldn't have any gratification from him responding

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