New Relationships Anxiety

[Clare99q]

I’ve started seeing someone (very new). How long after you start dating someone, would you tell them about a tricky situation you were in (ex owing you money). Ultimately, it’s not yet any of his business nor should it affect the relationship but still, it’s drama and until the ex pays me back, I’m in contact still. Things are frosty, I’d never go back but is this someone you’d discuss? It’s making me feel a bit ill. It’s enough money for me not to just want to forget about.

Anyone

Ending all contact with exes isn't the norm - why do you think it's an issue?

I wouldn't expect a guy to be threatened by it and if he was, I'd think it was a bit of a red flag.

It wouldn't be something I'd raise with the new boyfriend particularly. Why do you see it as something he would need to know?

I wouldn't say anything about that at all until your relationship is well established. It's not your new boyfriend's business but later on, tell him if relevant.

Just I hate having secrets. I probably sound really young (which I’m not) but I just don’t want anything to ruin something so new. Haven’t been this happy in a long time. I just don’t want him to think I’m communicating with an ex out of choice. Thank you for your replies. It’s put things in to perspective and allayed my fears x

Good luck, Clare, whatever you decide. You're an honest woman and there's a lot to be said for that.

Just gloss over it as the complications of extricating yourself from a relationship. It's not 'having secrets' it is waiting to see if you can trust someone before you go telling them your business.

Unless you are not over your ex, in which case you are dating too soon.

I wouldn't disclose anything until your relationship is more secure, when you feel comfortable. You want it to be as plain sailing as possible just now, no ex drama.

Your only speaking to the ex out if necessity. If the new guy catches on then just explain that's the only reason you're in contact and you didn't want to bog him down with that.