Hi all,
I wanted a bit of advice regarding my current situation. I (33) am in a relationship with a man (36) who has arthritis of the spine amongst other back related issues. We have been together now for 2 years.
Lately our relationship has hit a rough patch and I feel as though this all stems from his chronic pain and I don't know how to tackle it.
It feels as if our whole relationship is based according to his needs and wants as he is the one in pain and I am starting to feel resentful and unimportant.
He is often moody and uncommunicative with me and often says its because he is in pain. If at any point I drop the ball on any sort of task or if I query something, I’m hit with the verbal accusation that ‘you do not understand what it feels like’, with which I completely agree, but I am trying.
He often requests back massages but refuses to give me one as 'he is the one who needs it'.
My parents planned a family bbq this weekend for my siblings and partners. When I reminded him he said he had forgotten and planned to go home (back to his parents) for the weekend as his back is very painful at the moment and he sees that as his place to recuperate when it gets too much, as apparently the beds are better for his back and he can relax there. I told him he could stay at my parents house or my own and he outright said no and that I was being selfish for asking this of him and not understanding.
He still works every day, goes to the gym (as exercise helps his back), plays golf, sees friends so it's not like he is a complete invalid.
Everyday I text him asking how is day been and pretty much get the same response 'back is agony'. No 'how is your day, what have you been up to?' It's getting me down and causing arguments and I just feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place as I want to be supportive but feel as though my needs are deemed less important as I am not in constant pain.