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Relationships

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Original poster

Age gap worries

11 replies

ZebraStripes10 · 31/07/2019 15:44

Has anyone made a relationship with a big age gap work in the long term?

I'm 41 and have started seeing a man who is 27. We were friends to begin with, but things have progressed. We get on really well, spend loads of time together, the sex is great, but I can't help worrying about the age gap if we stayed together long term. We've been together for around 3 months.

I have children from a previous relationship and I don't think I'd want any more at my age. But I'm pretty sure he would like to have children of his own.

Should I just enjoy things as "a bit of fun" and stop worrying about the future?

OP posts:

Humanswarm · 31/07/2019 15:48

I have an 11 year age gap, dh older. Twelve years ago, I didn't notice the age gap. Now I do. It is significant. Or perhaps he and I are just not compatible after all.
Enjoy as fun..don't overthink right now, and question things as they come up.

Pitlanejane · 31/07/2019 15:54

As long as you both know the score the. I don’t see a problem. Not every relationship has to last forever anyway.

Aquamarine1029 · 31/07/2019 15:58

If he definitely wants children, I would end it. It's not fair or sensible for either of you.

EmmaC78 · 31/07/2019 16:00

If he definitely wants children, I would end it. It's not fair or sensible for either of you.

I agree with this. I think the age is almost irrelevant. What matters is that you have the same values and want the same things. If he wants children and you don't then it is not going to work whatever the age gap is.

hellsbellsmelons · 31/07/2019 16:01

If he wants kids then you are not a long term prospect.
I'd enjoy it for a while then set him free to find someone he can settle down and have a family with.

Original poster

ZebraStripes10 · 31/07/2019 18:00

He hasn't explicitly said that he wants children, but I'm assuming he will.

I'm just a bit sad that there probably isn't a future for us. I really like him and he seems to really like me too.

"Setting him free" might sound like the logical approach, but it's going to be a whole lot harder in practice. I can't help thinking that it will get harder the longer we're together too.

OP posts:

EmmaC78 · 31/07/2019 20:17

Can't you speak to him now about how you see the relationship going and what his thoughts are abut children? Then you'll know and be able to have a discussion about things rather than assuming.

Skittlenommer · 31/07/2019 20:21

If he doesn’t want children, you’re golden I say! Ask him.

31RueCambon · 31/07/2019 20:25

Give it 3 months and you probably wont want afuture with him either!!

BogglesGoggles · 31/07/2019 20:29

The age gap is irrelevant. It’s life stages that matter. If you are both in the dating and having fun stage that’s fine but if in five years he decides he wants to have a family now and you really don’t then there is no scenario where that ends happily forboth of you.

DullPortraits · 31/07/2019 20:33

Age gap is no problem as long as you are happy together. My only concern would be even if he says right now he doesn't want children he is still young enough to change his mind in even 10 years when it will be even harder for you if he ups and goes to find someone he can have a family with. I hope everything works out for you guys

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