how to be strong?

[helpmee]

Hello All!

First timer here. My boyfriend cheated on me a few months ago and i took him back and forgave him thinking i could move on from it and cope with it, but i cant. So today we are meeting with him and i am going to end things with him. Its so hard when you dont actually want to be without them, but know for your own sanity and health that you need too. I actually do have a lot of anger and hurt in me that i really want to express this to him, i want him to know the pain he has caused me. Please may i have some advice on how to not let my emotions take over? DP is very good at talking himself out of anything and I am worried i wont be strong enough to say the things i need too, and i'll end up forgetting it and carrying on again.

I wouldn’t bother tbh. You won’t feel any better cos no reaction he could possibly have will change how it’s hurt you. I personally find it kinda demeaning to go to someone who’s hurt and disrespected me so deeply and tell them what they’ve caused me to feel as I wouldn’t want to give them the say

I wouldn’t give him the chance to talk himself out of it. Meet him, tell him it’s not working but don’t get into big discussions about why. Release your anger here instead.

Satisfaction. If he cared that much about his you felt he wouldn’t have cheated in the first place so your energy in telling him is wasted.

Write it all down in a letter to him and don’t send it, and be cool and collected with him, tell him it’s over and that’s that. Don’t get embroiled in big dramatic discussions if you’ve made your mind up. You’ll come across as having far more self respect and he’ll be surprised how little you seem to care!

Thank you for your responses. I know i shouldnt care and just tell him to get lost, but its my fault that i let him back into my life and things have been so good the past few months and hes been working so hard to make it up to me. So he wont be expecting it thats all.

@helpmee you tried and it didn’t work out - don’t feel bad about putting yourself first. This is his fault for cheating in the first place. If you’re looking to blame someone it’s him.

You're not obliged to forgive him and move on.

No great explanation is needed just, "I've realised I dont want to be with someone who can do that to me. It's over."

No great explanations or dramatics are required. And don't give him chance to try and talk his way out of it.

"This isn't a conversation" will suffice if he tries.

From bitter experience there is no point in explaining. It’s done. It is what it is.

I tried again and again to try to explain to my ex why I was so hurt and why it would take me months and months to get over his cheating. It did me no good at all. I wish I’d just ended it and walked away with no emotion. Just do it.

“I’ve tried to forgive you, I’ve realised I’m not able to so I’m ending it.”
Get up and walk away. Don’t give him any more power over you by showing how hurt and upset you are.
Cry your tears at home in private.

If you really must see him. Tell him, you cant forgive him. It's done and walk away before he talks himself out of it.