DP & debt!

[askingforafriend22]

I've posted this on money board but no response so thought I might get more traffic on here .... anyone help??

I've been with my partner for nearly 2 years. Yesterday he broke down in front of me and admitted he has debts that he's struggling to pay back. Mainly in the form of payday/ short term loans for varying amounts totalling around £9k
He changed jobs about 7 months ago and took a considerable pay decrease with the view to getting a higher wage after 6 months (that's how the job was sold to him - 'trainee' wage for 4-6 months then moved to the actual better wage after). It hasn't worked out like that and they seem to be constantly dangling the carrot of being moved up but without it actually happening despite the fact that he's now doing the job. Anyway, he says this debt has been run up over this time (although I have no idea how someone smashes through £9k in the space of 7months on top of their normal wage with nothing to show for it 🤔)
We don't live together and we have no joint finances so it doesn't affect me directly and I certainly won't be offering to help pay this debt, however I'd like to know how to help him help himself IYSWIM!
I sat down with him yesterday and went through all his bank statements listing all his outgoings (not including the loans they total around £1300 per month) and what his income is (approx £1800 after tax) and then I made him ring round and get settlement figures from everyone he owes money to.
What's the next step? Where should he go?
Any advice appreciated!

I can easily see how that debt has accrued with the massive interest rates on pay day loans.
I’m not sure why you are asking what the next step is though. I appreciate you want to help him but the big issue here is that he needs to take control not you. You have already made a good start for him but the rest is up to him though.

Stepchange
Christians Against Poverty (they don't try to convert people!)
Also, try Citizens Advice.

I think you need to get to the bottom of why he took out the loans. That kind of money suggests he could have a problem of some kind (gambling maybe?). What did his statements suggest?

Then speak to a debt advice charity about consolidation.

Ignore me - read your OP again and sounds like he was trying to top up his decreased wage?

Definitely talk to a debt councillor, charity etc.
It'll be mostly interest the bastards

I believe the advice is, generally, make sure you can pay essential bills - accommodation, utilities, council tax etc. Budget some for food etc. Then try to pay off debts - service the minimum payment on each, don't get any defaults, & pay the one with the highest interest rate first.
Try to negotiate better terms / contracts for all possible outgoings. Phone, utilities, etc. Cut out any non-essentials - does he need Sky, etc? (We don't have pay TV at all. Just Freeview.)

Can he earn any extra money? Bar work etc? Consultancy?

@MrsGrindah I'm asking because I'd like to be able to help him or at least point him in the right direction. I'm aware he's got to sort it himself, but I'd like to be able to help and support him as much as I can. He's calmed a bit today and is looking at options but I thought I'd ask for some advice on here as it is an advice forum...
@CursedDiamond yes, his previous wage was about £2300 per month with a substantial quarterly bonus so he's taken about a £500 per month cut with the 'promise' of moving up to a higher wage after the initial period. Saying that, looking through his bank statements suggests he's more than capable of surviving on his wage without the need for any top ups but all I can see is that he's been spending as though he's earning more! Meals out/ days out, unnecessary purchases etc, nothing that aroused any suspicions. Taking into account all his outgoings including mortgage/ bills/ fuel/ food etc he should still have around £400/£500 per month disposable income.
Thanks @AwdBovril I'll tell him to look at those websites

As advised - get him to talk to 'stepchange'
Could he get part time work?
When I needed to top up my wage I worked in a pub.
Does he have any unnecessary outgoings?
Sky TV?
Gym membership?
Have you gone to all his utility companies to make sure he has the best deal? Also go on comparison sites and see if these can be reduced.
Does he have a high mobile phone bill?
Does he have any subscriptions?

I'm pleased to see you won't be bailing him out with your own money.
Never do that.
But he does need to consolidate his debt and get on the lowest interest rate possible.

I'd also look at why he run up this kind of debt.
Drugs?
Gambling?
Alcohol?

You know what would help him now and in the future, is encouraging him to take responsibility of the mess he’s in. Which means owning ‘living large’ on a reduced wage, making contact with debt counselling etc.

Anything that you do, which he can but doesn’t, only increases chances of it happening again. How was going through his finances a thing that only you initiated?

His reduced wage wasn’t and isn’t the issue, his financial fecklessness was and it’s that he needs to address.

I know you mean well, but you can not protect people from themselves, only they can.

Definitely not drugs or alcohol and no sign of any gambling in his accounts other than the occasional lottery ticket?
He's a bit of a spendaholic if I'm honest, thinks nothing of ordering a £20 takeaway, meals out for £50-£70 a time, likes to have the latest gadgets etc and if we go out shopping he ends up with a lot of 'stuff'
I may probe a bit deeper though as I'm not sure I could get through £9k in 7 months on top of my normal living wage so I'd be intrigued to know where it's all gone!
I run a utility brokerage so I'll look at all those and see if I can reduce his outgoings there.

I run a utility brokerage so I'll look at all those and see if I can reduce his outgoings there.

Oh dear god woman! A pay day loan to fund takeaway’s and the latest gadgets, is financial fecklessness at its highest. You saving money on his utility bills, will be translated as extra cash available for takeaway’s, where he didn’t have to do shit.

I wasn’t criticising you . I was saying it needs to be up to him now.

@AgentJohnson I think it all just hit him yesterday as to what a mess he's in. He was in a state and in tears so yes I initiated the going through his finances to try and be practical about it and get an idea of how bad it is.
I'm leaving it to him today, he's been on the phone all morning speaking to various people and trying to look at ways of consolidating the debt but I just thought I'd ask on here too
You're right though, he does need to take responsibility and I certainly won't be bailing him out! Debt counselling isn't something I'd thought of but a very good suggestion thank you

Oh dear god woman! A pay day loan to fund takeaway’s and the latest gadgets, is financial fecklessness at its highest. You saving money on his utility bills, will be translated as extra cash available for takeaway’s, where he didn’t have to do shit.

Ok then, I'll direct him to my company website and he can give my office a call
Please don't 'dear god woman' me, it's really unnecessary

@MrsGrindah thank you

It's good you don't live with him and don't intend to. I set myself a limit of a takeaway once every 3 months, rest of the time I cook at home and meal plan, can you suggest he does that.

Does he have much equity in his property ?? What is his income to mortgage ratio ??

If the above are positive he could remortgage & consolidate the debt. Would save a hell a lot on the monthly repayments - even if he couldn't do it all then he must do the payday loan ones.

I think you will find it’s probably only around 6k he actually ‘had’ the rest owed is interest. It’s very easy to get into the habits of how you previously spent even when you have raked a big drop to keep up with friends or a girlfriend. (Meals out/holidays/days out etc) so as not to feel embarrassed admitting you don’t have the cash. I would be suggesting to him to maybe look for another job back at previous income level or find an evening/weekend add on as others have suggested if that’s possible, and to cut down on takeaways, they run away with cash. Take out a set amount every day too

Income is £1800 per month after tax and his mortgage is about £450
House is worth around £180k and mortgage o/s is £126k so about £54k equity?
I think @user1479305498 has hit it on the head, he's wanted to keep up with his usual habits and had buried his head in the sand believing that when his wage rise comes he could sort it. Unfortunately his wage rise hasn't happened yet and I think in all honesty he's been in denial! The interest rates on all his loans are absolutely shocking and he's got in such a mess he's just been borrowing more to keep up with the repayments.
He's speaking with a debt advisor on the phone now so will see what they say.

Get advice, but generally speaking.
Don't get any debt added to the mortgage; if he can change habits (!) then some zero-per-cent short term credit card deals could be an option if his rating is OK.

@waterSpider I don't think his rating is good enough to do that unfortunately

I personally think if he can get £10k extra on mortgage via a broker to do it as it will add very little to his payments and then look at the other stuff I suggested.

Get him to watch the Dave Ramsey videos on YouTube very inspiring practical way to become debt free.

Why did he tell you only when it got to 9k?

My ex husband did this repeatedly for years with always me paying it off. We go divorced and he is still doing it now there is no wife bank to sort it out and he is up to 30k.

Not my problem any more. Sadly this would be a deal breaker for me. The relationship would be over.

An adult should be able to manage their money, an adult that's worth having a relationship with anyway.

@madcatladyforever well, I guess it's because he thought there'd be a way out once he got his pay rise and I don't think he realised how much he'd got. We're completely financially independent and I'm not daft enough to bail him out so it's not a deal breaker for me, what he does with his money isn't anything to do with me.