Leave him?

[Raven69]

3 years ago my mom died and my husband was amazing or so I thought until I caught my husband and best friend together. They done everything apart from sex. He lied about everything for a long time, blamed me even because my mum died but she admitted it straight away and told me everything. After a lot Of therapy and soul searching, I decided to give him another chance and her. I always thought we had an amazing marriage, we had date nights, always laughed and never argued so it was totally out of the blue. My husband has always been the type to try and cover his ass before he admits the truth after it’s drawn out for a long time. After a lot of hurt and talking, things have been great this year, going from strength to strength, if anything I thought we were closer than before in some strange way. I was beginning to trust him again. Last night I received a call from my “friend” to ask if she could call in (friendship has been strained and I hadn’t seen her for a year) I was intrigued and asked my husband if he was ok with that. She arrived an hour later with her new husband. It was actually nice and we were all having a laugh although my friend Was cold towards my husband. My friend went to the loo and as soon as she came downstairs she announced she was leaving. I knew then that something had happened. I asked out right. My husband had said to her “ last time I seen you, your legs were wrapped around my waist”. The colour drained from his face, he denied it. I knew she was telling the truth. She left, crying saying sorry and that she can’t carry on with the friendship as it’s not fair on me. I actually agree now. I tried being an adult and it would of been hypocritical if I forgive him and not her. I know she is sorry and they are both to blame. I asked him if he said that and eventually he admitted it but said it was nothing. I told him how hurt I am but he can’t seem to see that he has done anything wrong. It feels like it’s happened all over again. He refuses to talk about it and I refuse to be broken by him once again. I know what I should do but I guess I need that shove. Sorry for the long rant, I can’t talk to anyone else as it’ll be a case of I told you so, I feel so ashamed and hurt. My husband has always been loving and kind until this happened, we’ve been married 18 years. Any advice would be really appreciated. Thank you.

Here's a shove
Your husband is a cheating knobhead and you should divorce him

Here is another shove for you. He clearly doesn't care about your feelings here at all. He should have been on his very best behaviour when she was in the house. I would never trust him again after that.
total a-hole.

Your husband has no respect for you, your friend or her new husband. I would be disgusted if someone said that to me so it's no wonder she was upset.

I think you were very generous (naive?) to have forgiven them and think you could have all continued the friendship.

Firm shove from me. He doesn’t seem to mind hurting you. He is making you very sad ....I doubt getting rid of him could make you feel any more sad.

How do they manage to keep up 'loving and kind' for so long when this is what lurks beneath? I would feel exactly as you do OP, like he'd cheated all over again, and like a fool for putting all that work into trying to trust him again.

I think this comes under 'fool me once....', he's been given the chance to prove himself trustworthy and he's blown it for the sake of a dodgy comment which wasn't even going to get him anywhere. There would be no more chances for me, I'm really sorry OP

Get rid of that disgusting man. He may be acting loving and kind but he clearly isn't a loving and kind person. Hes acting that way to cover up what a nob head he is. That comment was for his own pride and ego, he wasn't thinking for her nor you, simply him alone. Bet he felt all proud of himself. Makes me feel sick, get rid of him OP.

Doesn't sound like they did everything APART from sex then at all. Legs wrapped round waist usually means penis in vagina....

He's a liar. He's still lying. You deserve more. Get rid of him.

OP I think that he reacted terribly to being put in a deeply awkward situation.
If I've understood this right, after forgiving the betrayal putting them in the same room together was incredibly ill thought out and clearly DH could not deal with it and ended up saying something incredibly stupid.

You know better than any of us the kind of intentions that he has, if this seems crazily out of character then I'd lean towards giving the benefit of any doubt. If not then perhaps not.
If you are just thinking that the initial affair is not behind you then perhaps that is more difficult to compute than you imagined it would be and maybe it's not something you can recover from.

I think having this sort of meeting of all 3 (4?) of you was always going to be a recipe for disaster as so many worlds or looks could lead to a clash.
Does her H know, btw?

As to what he said - it also depends on how he said it. If it was a pensive - ‘how weird, last time we saw each other...., and now we moved on and I am happy we did. Sorry about it all’
Vs
Wistful ... ‘last time ....’

Setbacks often happen in the post affair times. If the rest of the relationship is getting to a better place - and - MOST importantly - if you manage to actually communicate, then you can continue re-building.
At this point - you reacted emotionally and he got defensive.
What is he actually feeling now?
Did you average got to what lead to the affair back in the day?
Things like that are not easy to talk about but without some soul searching and openness about it - not sure how moving on is possible.

Hope you figure it out. You made a decision to stay. It was never going to be easy.

What makes you think they didn't have sex? His comment about her legs around his waste say it all.

I would never have forgiven either of them.

He doesn't give a stuff about you. Get rid of him.

Sounds like he just admitted having sex with her with that comment. Also he's a disgusting pig. Do you think he hoped to restart it in a flirty way? Either way it's disrespectful to everyone and shows he is not sorry. You gave him his chance, he blew it.