Sadness for child

[idleandsunny]

My husband announced he wanted to separate recently. Although sad now, I figure I will be okay eventually - but I can't stop dwelling on how awfully sad this is for my 5 year old. She absolutely adores him, he does 50/50 childcare and is a fantastic hands on and loving Dad, so it will be such a shock for her when he goes.

And beyond that, the financial ramifications will be huge for her. Him renting a one bed in our area will cost £300k by the time she's 18. That's all money she could have had to be set up in life. To add to this I've no idea how I will afford to stay in the area long term, the most I will be able to afford is a 2 bed flat. So she'll go from her lovely family home with garden and both parents to a little flat without her Dad.

She's such a happy little thing, every comments on it, and I feel so terribly terribly sad for her and don't know how to get over this. Any advice?

Having happy parents is more important than money.

She’ll still see him 50/50 I assume.

She adores her dad and will still adore him while living in a small flat. She will still love you while living in a small flat with you.

Kids need love more than anything else. She won't care about yourlively home if she now has two homes she shares with loving parents even if she sees those parents separately. You say he's fantastic and hands-on and there is no reason why that will change. He is separating from you. He isn't divorcing his daughter.

Yes, she may be sad at first, but children can be very resilient. She will get used to the new set up. She may end up with two parents and two step-parents who all love and provide for her.

Really, don't worry too much.

Kids do NOT care about houses at that age. Seriously. I split with my ex and had to sell my beautiful brand new 5 bedroom house. I moved into a 3 bed maisonette and the kids couldn't care less. One is 11 and the other 5. As long as you are both happier and continue to love your children, that is all that matters.

Be kind to each other. Don't blame or point fingers. Yr Dd is young it will become her "normal" good luck x

I know what you mean, I feel bad for my teens. But if you can be amicable, communicate effectively and still be able to share significant milestones together, be a united front for her, she will be fine. The kids that suffer are those whose parents don't put them first above their quarrels (not always possible I know but in most cases it is)

We will definitely put her first but I don't want this split at all so it's hard to see how anyone apart from my ex will be happier. And he's cut up about it too which makes it all seem even sadder. Who wins?

I don't think we will be 50/50 custody as she's so little. He will see her lots and lots but my home will be her primary home so she feels settled. As she gets older I am sure that will change

This sounds really hard. I would feel the same. If your husband is cut up about it too what is his reasoning? Has he thought through the effect on her do you think?

I agree with others that kids are resilient and you and her will have special times together. Really tough for you, make sure you also think about your needs

She will deal with it because she has to (my DD did and had to cope with him terminating contact with her too). I suspect this is more about your dreams being shattered than hers.

Everything is new and raw, there will be a new normal for both you and your daughter.

@Clayplease he said he just doesn’t love me anymore and thinks we’ll all be happier apart. He said he’s thought of nothing else apart from how this affects her for years....

@AgentJohnson thanks for the encouragement