This ‘Languages of Love’ idea- can you not have one?

[CornettoConCrema]

I have very low self esteem and huge trust issues. I usually assume that a man who does something nice is just trying to sleep with me or humiliate me in some way.

So when I was doing the quiz for the love languages, there was never an option that I wanted to pick.

Do you think there’s something in the idea of it?

It's bullshit. Don't worry about it. Work on your own issues.

Love Languages are just about how people give, receive and recognise love.

If you have very low self esteem, then you probably don't recognise or receive love in any way.

You will need to recognise your own worth before you can give, receive and recognise love.

It's not bullshit and it's something that causes frustrations in relationships when people don't understand that someone just has a different way of expressing love to them.

I don't think it's bullshit, it's just an idea that we all respond to different things and that if you can work out what your partner best responds to it can help your relationship.

I am 'acts of service' and DH is 'physical touch'.

I’m wondering if I can somehow use it to help me trust people more.

How do you mean? Use love languages to help you trust people more? That's not really how it works.

I think you need to get to a point where you value yourself before you enter into a relationship.

Honestly, I used to feel so sad that I'd never been loved; that my relationships were always disastrous; that I might never find love and be alone forever.

I used to hear people say all the time that you need to love yourself first; date yourself; become the best version of you in order to attract someone worthy. It seemed like an impossible dream!

But I am now at a point where I don't yet love myself, but I have self respect and I value myself. I recognise my worth as a person. I accept myself - mostly.

And all it's done is make me realise I don't want a relationship or any of those things and, more than that, that I am happy about that.

'Acts of service', and 'physical touch' pfft!

Is it only me who realises how this sounds?

What women feeled loved and resoectsdt when the only way their partner shows any kind of inteeaction with them is touching them, there are men who do this only sexually, which is about sex, nothing to do with love.

Yes, acts of service is a nice expression isnt it, when applied to women with respect to men.

Love is about acts, its a doing word. Acts of love are about how the person receives them.

Just because a man touches you no way does it mean he is showing love.

If he knows you love a neck or foot massage and offers this at the end of a stressful day, thats being loving (when it comes unconditionally and hes not expecting sex as a result).

OP please dont feel you have to fit something one person has come up with as an explanation of everything love. There are loads of theories out there on love and its interactions. This is just one that happens to have been popularised, mostly by women tryig to work out wtf their man is about and whether he actually loves them! Is my take on it anyway.

I hope you get support to help you with how you feel about yourself at the moment. Do what you want that helps you to feel good, learn what you love and practice putting yourself first and your needs.

Mine is 'recieving gifts' and the guy im dating is 'words of affirmation'.

Its true for me. And no it doesn't have to he expensive gifts. Just little things like getting me my favourite drink when your at the shop or picking up a 50p car air freshner at the garage. Shows im thought of and i can physically see it which reminds me I'm thought about.

If you dont recognize recieving love i imagine it being hard to do the quiz.

Sounds like yours is 'being considered and apparent in his thoughts' Life

Not really about actually 'receiving gifts' as thats just the carrier action for the thought/consideration.

Smother you've misunderstood. It means that I feel most loved and valued when people put themselves out to do things for me and that physical touch is particularly important to DH in order to feel loved and secure. It's not the only thing, just the thing we lean towards the most and it has absolutely nothing to do with gender stereotypes.

Why do people come on threads they don't understand just to mock others?

Op, it sounds like you really need to work on your self-worth and not worry about relationships for a while yet. Only when you believe you deserve good things will any of this be meaningful. And you do deserve good things.

I am sorry you thought I came here to mock, i certainly didn't. Not sure where you see 'mocking' at all. I am allowed to think its nonsense thoighy. Thats different to mocking and your are casting aspertions, which I havent done.

Not sure what the issue is really.

*'Acts of service', and 'physical touch' pfft!

Is it only me who realises how this sounds?*

It was the bit where you said that. There's no problem though.

Ah, yes, i see what youre saying, but it really wasnt mocking just comes across as odd labels!

Underlying the labels, i.e. most just want to feel something is genuine, especially in intimate relationships, and although i do think its great to try to clarify miscommunications, by labelling styles to identify and cross communication obstacles, its the labels that cross over into so many areas.

Yes smother is right. These are just gimmicky labels people use to defend the fact that either they are not acting in a loving way or don't like the way their partner expresses their love. Sticking people into one box or another is a quick fix. Everyone is just the some of their individual actions. By work on your own issues I mean identify what makes you unhappy and fix those with better actions.