Wanting to leave DH who hasn't done anything wrong

[loopylindasdaughter]

I need to do this.

I live in hope of him cheating / falling out with me etc but...

He doesn't because he's happy, why wouldn't he be, he's got everything, I'm a "good wife", we've got amazing kids, house looked after, no money worries (I'm a high earner). There's nothing "wrong" with him, he's a good dad, he doesn't drink, wouldn't think he would cheat etc, good looking, you get the picture. He's a good man and I have friends that think I'm mad.

However I just don't feel like I want to be in a relationship anymore. He grinds on me, the neediness, I find sex grotesque, I crave time away from him, conversation is an effort, I've nothing to say to him and I've no interest in him anymore. Gosh that sounds cruel. I was hoping it was a passing feeling but it's been 2 months now and I'm finding the game face hard.

Has anyone been in this situation. I feel like I'm living a lie.

As not to drop feed he's not an angel, I've always felt unappreciated, always, I never get praise, he is useless around the house. In fact quite redundant, I do everything and he happily lets me.

Married 5 years, together 13 years.

I've always felt unappreciated, always, I never get praise, he is useless around the house. In fact quite redundant, I do everything and he happily lets me

I'd stop loving that man as well.

I feel for you OP, it sounds rough. I think if you've only felt this way for two months and you have children together it's worth exploring your feelings in counselling before you do anything drastic.

Must admit I have thought about bringing up counselling, I have had feeling like this in the past when hit boiling point he's promised to change but then it all goes back to normal within 6 months.

He's had a hobby that takes up most of his spare tome. He comes in and is straight on it, which does ducks me off. I'm off with the kids for summer, he came in tonight. We were all in garden playing, he came in quick hello and disappeared in the front room to start tinkering with his hobby.

That feeling again of frustration, pointlessness, irritation, so I carried on fed chikdren, bathed them, took dog for a walk with them whilst he carried on in front room, then asks for my help with something he can't get working. So I go in and help with that... mug!

He's just someone else that relies on me and I have enough of that, happily with the kids but with him I just find it exhausting.

In your title, you say he hasn't done anything wrong, but when we get to this bit: "he's not an angel, I've always felt unappreciated, always, I never get praise, he is useless around the house (…). I do everything and he happily lets me", it's clear that he actually has. Presumably you've tried to address this with him - how does he justify leaving everything to you, as if he were an extra child?

I've been in your position. It did end up toxic but still, he certainly wasnt abusive and if he was then I was just as much. Everything bad he did towards the end I did in equal measure.

We split and are both much happier but I still have massive feelings of guilt over how much time I essentially wasted knowing I didnt love him enough. And he didnt deserve it. It's an awful situation to be in.

Two months isn’t long in the grand scheme of things. If you’d have said two years i’d have thought you’d given it your best shot. I think after only two months you need to go to counselling to explore what’s changed or see your Gp to rule out depression.

This evenings example of annoying'ness, after doing all that I cook tea and we eat in living room 10 mins into meal he's grabs dog and puts him in cage, dogs begins to cry, I ask why, because he's looking at me whilst I eat he says. So? I haven't had a peaceful wee for the past 8 years and your huffing and puffing because a little dog is looking at you. So I eat my tea with dog crying and nerves up to my neck because dog is upset, kids the. Upset cos dog is crying. Dad says tough.

Mum thinks dad just fuck off, we'd be happier without you

He doesn’t find very nice OP.....

Sound not find

HE has done a lot wrong - other than sex does he pay you any attention at all.

And I have said it before it is ok to leave if you are unhappy

Re depression, It's not an issue, im a femme rally cup half full girl, very positive and happy. I know it's not coming across that way,

Counselling for sure. No half heated promises from him - you've got stuff you need to work out together by discussing it openly but it seemd you can't do it alone. If it's still not enough then it's still not enough. But at least you'd know you tried.

@Quartz2208 how though? Had my best friend around today, and her DH is a complete prick and a terrible dad. She was looking at me like I was green whilst I was telling her.

I know my DH will be a complete controlling prick if we try and separate. And I must admit that loss of control is kinda wanting me to stay for a few years until the kids get older. The thought of him having them unsupervised, maybe saying bad things about me will send me under, also we enjoy lots of holidays and I know he would kick up a fuss about me taking them abroad without him, can he stop me?

Also never ever am I doing this again, I am happy in my own company (with kids and dog) it's not about grass is greener because I wouldn't ever want someone else

I've been in this mindset in a previous relationship, just waiting around for him to fuck up so I had an excuse to leave because leaving him just because I didn't want to be with him anymore just didn't feel like a good enough excuse. Took me a long time to realise it is a good enough excuse to leave a relationship that's making you unhappy.

When someone starts to annoy you it’s very hard to unwind that