Im new to mumsnet, so excuse me if I ramble but I'm really at a loss of what to do. I've been with my OH for 4 years now, we have two children under 3 and things moved pretty fast. We get on amazingly well and have so much in common and rarely argue but the only problem we have is with our sex life.
After my first was born I suffered with bad postnatal depression and really had a hard time. I lost my sex drive completely and along with that put on about 4 stone, and the tiredness just found it hard. We'd have sex infrequently and after a while found he was talking to girls on tinder, social media. Nothing ever graphic or meeting up but he said he felt lonely and we worked on things.
At this point was already pregnant with second DC and overcame my depression but still had sex infrequently as felt unconfident and self conscious about previous actions on his behalf. It's still like this but I'm making more effort.
I've always had an open mind about porn. I think anything that doesn't hurt you or anyone else is fine whether it be fetishes or preferences but I've found that my oh is watching porn most days. Maybe 2 days maximum out of the week he won't. As soon as I've gone to bed he'll watch it or if I take the kids to the park and leave him at home. He's told me he's given up on trying to sleep with me from when I had depression and used to reject him but ie told him time and time again I want to be romanced and felt like I'm wanted which he's assured me is the case but with the amount he watches porn and doesn't try it on with me makes me feel even more self conscious.
If I come onto him then he's fine and enjoys it but I just feel it's more of a chore on my part as opposed to being desperately in love. Sorry for the long post