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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sensitive trigger - devastated

30 replies

SkySmiler · 29/07/2019 14:48

My 2 boys 10 and 6 were getting ready earlier and the younger one said to the older one, kiss my willy, I'm devastated, this isn't normal is it?

OP posts:
peachgreen · 29/07/2019 14:54

Sounds like kids messing around to me, unless there's some backstory here about suspected abuse? Presumably you explained why it was inappropriate and you've already given them the PANTS talk?

Original poster
SkySmiler · 29/07/2019 15:05

I'm really not sure peach, tq for replying btw.... I don't know what to think, he was a really lovely little boy but has become much angrier and naughty in the last few months

OP posts:
SMellisa · 29/07/2019 15:08

OP, is it something he has picked up at school maybe? Kids talk about anything. One kid may have heard it on TV, then repeated it to anyone and that's how it starts ...?

PurpleDaisies · 29/07/2019 15:11

I would worry about what he’s been exposed to or if there’s something going on you need to worry about. Safeguarding red flags there. Ring the NSPCC or SS for advice.

Original poster
SkySmiler · 29/07/2019 15:12

Guess it cld b SMellisa, older one never said anything like that to anyone tho...

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 29/07/2019 15:12

Sounds like kids messing around to me, unless there's some backstory here about suspected abuse?

This IS the story that makes you suspect abuse and need seek advice.

Original poster
SkySmiler · 29/07/2019 15:17

This is what I'm worried about purple.... Don't know what to think....

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 29/07/2019 15:17

You don’t need to think.

You need to act. Phone for advice.

cestlavielife · 29/07/2019 15:20

""he was a really lovely little boy but has become much angrier and naughty in the last few months""

So you need to get to the reason why.
Call nspcc for advice.
Don't ask leading questions.
Maybe speak to gp and try get someone trained to talk to him.

Original poster
SkySmiler · 29/07/2019 15:26

What I mean is, is it innocent or not... Seeking advice from fellow boy mum's I guess, as I know wiliies are a great source of amusement to boys....

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 29/07/2019 15:28

He had behaviour changes. He is making comments inappropriate for his age.

Why aren’t you phoning the nspcc right now?

The advice from anyone with safeguarding training is all going to be the same.

Bunglefromrainbow · 29/07/2019 15:32

OP, this could definitely be "nothing". There's a good chance that boys behave like this for reasons other than those that you'd fear so I wouldn't worry too much just now.

That said it's incredibly important to act on this and seek the advice pointed out by the other posters. We cannot protect our children 24/7 but if we ever suspect that anything is bothering them it's our duty to follow that up. Please do that NOW.

JavaQ · 29/07/2019 15:34

You are here asking us BECAUSE you are worried. Call the professionals! Don't brush it off. Don't panic.

hidinginthenightgarden · 29/07/2019 15:34

My youngest has often said things like "I'll punch your willy". My mum was a childminder and I remember loads saying things like this. One whilst palying a game said as a punishment I should "smack his willy".
I do think to an extent that this is a phase they go through.
That said, when these things arise I always take the opportunity to discuss the pants rule, remind them to always tell me and that I will always beleive them and protect them. If there is other worrying behaviour alongside this then seek advice.

Skittlenommer · 29/07/2019 15:36

I’m a social worker. It could very well be innocent. Children are naturally curious and will explore such topics (including sexual ones) as they clumsily try to make sense of the world. Siblings are often involved in this and it often takes the form of play.

What does concern me is the fact that this coincides with a distinct change in his behaviour. This is a really big red flag! You say he has become naughtier and angrier and this needs to be explored ASAP! I agree with speaking to the NSPCC for advice.

PurpleDaisies · 29/07/2019 15:36

Can I ask other posters not to share personal experiences? You never know who is reading and getting off on threads like this...

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 29/07/2019 15:40

I'm with Purple on this.

OP you know your kids better than us . It could be an innocent,haha comment or it could be a reflection of something else.

You have a few options

1.ring someone like NSPCC for advice

2.go again through the pants rule and the talk about privates etc

3.keep an eye out and a listening ear ready

Possibly all 3, and 2 definitely needs done every now and then as a reminder.

roses2 · 29/07/2019 15:43

I’ve got two boys 3 and 6. The older one is always punching the younger one in the nuts.

If your older boy said it I would be worried. Since your younger one said it I wouldn’t be too concerned. If you’re worried I’d see if I could probe a bit more on why he said it / where he picked it up.

SMellisa · 29/07/2019 15:43

OP, look into it ASAP. Don't panic.

PurpleDaisies · 29/07/2019 18:00

What did you end up doing @SkySmiler ?

18YearsAMummy · 29/07/2019 18:05

He had behaviour changes. He is making comments inappropriate for his age

I agree with this comment made by PurpleDaisies. I would ask DS if he had heard someone say it before, and if so who?

I have 4 boys and they have never made comments about their genitals to one another, so I would be a bit worried.

Please keep us updated.

Wishihad · 29/07/2019 18:13

I would first have a converstation with the child. Gently enquiring where they have heard that

And got from there.

This is one if those things that could be innocent or be a sign of something wrong. Dont be devastated yet.

flamingnoravera · 29/07/2019 18:17

I hope this is ok to post. It's guidance issued to foster carers.

Sensitive trigger - devastated
TryingAndFailing39 · 29/07/2019 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.