I just can't anymore

[Humanswarm]

I don't know what I expect from posting here, I realise no one can make decisions for me..I just can't carry on with life the way it is. I have school aged children, been married 11 years to a man a decade older than me. We are so different, he's such a negative person, he lacks any drive, he left good job and now works in a role that pays mimimum wage, then moans how little we have. False expectations of how we can possibly live like that. He's not abusive but ridiculously grumpy, he makes the childrens lives quite difficult at times. I'm not attracted to him anymore, sex is just..done.
I'm so deeply unhappy. I have no idea how to finish things, I asked him to leave a few weeks ago, but he came back, I sat down with him and talked and talked but nothing has changed. He has no family anywhere near is, no friends..if I ask him to leave, he's nowhere to go. I care for him, I don't want to be responsible for him hurting because I know he loves me, and I would break his heart. But I can't do it anymore..I feel that low, I can't even summon the energy to begin this process, to tell him again.
I just want to be happy. I feel like, I'm mid thirties, I want so much from life and it is passing me by. The thought that this is it is too much

You need to picture how you want your future to be and focus on that. I had to do the same. My ex was emotionally abusive unlike yours. He cried, he begged, he made me a photo album with all of our holidays etc in. It was really really hard and once I wavered and agreed to try again but I couldn’t do it. You have to stay focussed and be harsh even if that’s not what you are like.
Mine was 4 years ago and I’ve never looked back. I have my own home, I feel settled and happy and free. It’s liberating.
Interestingly I found out only yesterday he met his new partner within a month of me leaving and has since married her, so all of my personal anguish about causing him pain was totally misguided.
You can do it but it’s a long road

You need to start to get practical. You need to draw up a separation agreement, divide assets etc. If the house is yours, make plans to sell it and split the proceeds. Get onto Rightmove to see what you could rent or buy. It's a big task, but very doable.

Thank you..I know that it won't be easy, he will fight for this. I've been fighting for around 5 years now, hoping that this will get better, wondering if it's all me. I'm so tired of rolling over and agreeing to things because I'm scared of making him angry. I've never pushed too hard. This is affecting the children, and that I can't live with. They need me happy. I won't have to fight for them anyway. I know exactly what he'll do.

Today has been just awful, I feel so low, so unbelievably beaten that its an effort to walk, to talk. I don't know how to begin this. How can I ask him to leave? I know I'll be happier, the children too. We have no money, we live month to month. How will he start again? Arghh..I don't know what to do or where to go..

Who owns the house? That will make a massive difference to how you can move forward...

What has happened today? Anything specific to make you feel like this or an accumulation? I can feel the pain in your post.
You need to focus on one thing at a time. Step by step you can do this. You need to tell him how unhappy you are and that you want him to go. Give him a time limit. If he starts to get angry or difficult see a solicitor as soon as you can to get him out. Legal aid is available for non molestation and occupation orders.
You can’t carry on like this. Your children need you

The house is mine, we rent it from my parents, until such a time its either sold or left to me and my siblings, so no worries there.
I just feel totally overwhelmed. I can't even look at him. I have told him so many times how I feel, things need to change, but nothing. I just feel like I am suffocating

You are going to need to draw a line and tell him you’ve had enough. Do you feel up to that? It’s a scary thing to do but it’s the beginning of a fresh start for you. That is when things have to start changing.
You’re in a good position with the house, he needs to leave. He either does that voluntarily or you force it. You need to put your empathy to the back of your mind for the next few weeks/months. He can’t stay, it’s impacting on your wellbeing which will be impacting on your children.

It is impacting them, I know that, I just need to find the strength now. I'm frightened, but I have had enough. I asked him this evening, could he just take the children for a little while, I just needed a few minutes to myself, I felt like I was going to explode. He did, albiet very briefly and has since followed me round the house, everywhere I turn he's there with demands and petty grievances...I know what I need to do.

Completely changing your life is frightening whatever it is. When it’s ending a relationship it’s not quick and it’s daunting. But it can be done. Trust me the hardest part is telling him and sticking to it. That’s a tough time but once you’re on that road you start to see glimpses of the other end and it keeps you going. It really does. Imagine you and your children relaxing at home without him there. Having the freedom to do exactly what you want, when you want without moods and negativity. Focus on that.

How are you doing OP?

It's such a scary ball to start rolling. Once I did though I never looked back. But I do remember that feeling of being on a cliff edge and wondering if I was brave enough to jump and change our whole lives. I was 33. Life really is too short. Do what makes you happy.

Hope you’re ok OP