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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is he up to something? If so, what?

62 replies

wasabipeas · 29/07/2019 12:30

What would you make of someone who has always been very attached to their phone (taking it to the loo, never letting anyone else use to to google/watch videos) suddenly leaves it lying around without a care in the world? Goes for a 2 hour run leaving the phone in the house...

Whatsapp profile pic has also changed from one of us + DCs to one on his own.

For context, he has an incredibly busy work week, with verifiable times in the office, and is always home in evenings and weekends

OP posts:
custardcream1000 · 29/07/2019 21:28

I found my ex partners secret conversations on mood messenger. It's a normal sms app, but you can hide conversations and protect them with a pin.

Original poster
Wasabipeas · 06/08/2019 16:19

I found out today he is having an affair with someone at work.
Which is why he suddenly got so lax with his phone - they were probably doing all their communications on the internal messaging system at work, or work emails.

Never thought this would be me. My DS is 18 months, and I had such high hopes for his life, and it’s now all been turned upside down.

Thanks for the suggestion to check the battery useage
That’s what pointed me in the right direction to work out what was going on...

OP posts:
Bigblue1970 · 06/08/2019 17:21

Sorry to hear this. So predictable. He will live to regret it.
Did he admit it when you called him out on it or try to minimise? Is there any chance of working through it or is he in the full affair fog? Flowers

HRMumness · 06/08/2019 17:43

Oh you poor thing. Get your ducks in a row and end your marriage ASAP. I tried to save things with my soon to be ex DH and it was a waste of time. I can see my girls and I will be much happier without him.

Original poster
Wasabipeas · 06/08/2019 17:48

We renewed the fix on our mortgage 2 months ago, with an enormous exit fee, so we won’t be able to sell the house til then, and our mortgage is big enough to mean neither of us can move out and rent.

This feels like a living nightmare.

It’s definitely over, and his friends and family are going to murder him when they find out what he has done, the stupid cliche twat

And it’s someone at work who knows he is married with young DCs

OP posts:
MsDogLady · 06/08/2019 18:15

How devastating. I am very sorry. I hope you have sent him away to stay elsewhere.

Mummyto2munchkins · 06/08/2019 18:48

Oh OP Flowers
Go get yourself a tub of delicious ice cream and enjoy the lot!

Bobbins19 · 06/08/2019 18:53

Oh no how auful for you! What an arse hole!!!

WinterSunglasses · 06/08/2019 19:00

Was going to say it's someone at work and they are now messaging through work systems. Sorry to see that's how it's turned out. He should find somewhere else to stay while you look at the financial possibilities. You may be able to get advice on the mortgage. Maybe a loan for the exit fee. But in the meantime be very kind to yourself. He has been a dick. Make sure he knows he will have to do his fair share of childcare.

thepinkp · 06/08/2019 19:51

Sorry to read this, been there totally get the floored feeling. Please be kind to yourself, please don't forgive this affair, I'm suffering the after affects of trying to fix things.. trust me it can't be fixed. All the money and comfy lifestyle don't help.. take the feckless twat for what you can and never look back. Hugs xx

didijustsaythat · 06/08/2019 20:04
Flowers
girlsgonetame · 06/08/2019 20:36

So sorry to read this. Just going through almost the same myself. Absolutely no evidence, not much to go on just a feeling. Thanks for this thread. Have read some useful tips that might help me too. Men are pigs

managedmis · 06/08/2019 20:37

Reverse psychology?

managedmis · 06/08/2019 20:39

Have a look at the battery in settings and see where he's been spending his time! - this is a good suggestion also
^^

Does this work like Google locate?

beccarocksbaby · 06/08/2019 20:45

Hey I'm sorry to hear all this :( please, as someone who has been in your shoes, don't make decisions now. You don't have to. Focus on yourself and your child.

cakeandchampagne · 06/08/2019 20:55

@hellsbellsmelons Battery! Well done!

OP- I’m so sorry he has betrayed you. Flowers

MsDogLady · 06/08/2019 21:09

Wasabipeas, if he tries, don’t allow him to deflect a bit of this back to you. He chose to lie, cheat, and make a mockery of his marriage/family.

Maddy762 · 06/08/2019 22:55

@Wasabipeas how did you find out what is going on from the battery usage?

Original poster
Wasabipeas · 07/08/2019 03:29

The battery useage showed loads of time being spent on whatsapp but then no actual app on his phone.

He was deleting the app off this phone every evening and then reinstalling it every day to speak to her.
So I deleted it and did a back up to a few days previously and lots of messages came through

It also showed lots of time spent on LinkedIn where they were also messaging

Tbh the most useful thing was the iPhone frequent locations thing, which was turned off on his personal phone that he left lying around the house.

I turned it on one morning after starting this thread, and that was able to conclusively prove what he had been up to

OP posts:
matahairyy · 07/08/2019 05:23

I’m sorry. Turns out your hunch was right

YouJustDoYou · 07/08/2019 08:04

Fucking cheating cunt. He can go live with the ow.

YouJustDoYou · 07/08/2019 08:04

I'm so so sorry op.

Pineapplefish · 07/08/2019 08:21

So sorry to hear this OP Sad

PicsInRed · 07/08/2019 08:31

He was deleting the app off this phone every evening and then reinstalling it every day to speak to her. So I deleted it and did a back up to a few days previously and lots of messages came through. It also showed lots of time spent on LinkedIn where they were also messaging.

Clever - very clever. You're resourceful OP, you're going to be just fine. Flowers

Are you sure he cant afford to rent a bedsit?
Are you both working?

Get thee to a good solicitor and find out where you stand.

squee123 · 07/08/2019 08:36

I'm so sorry. I wouldn't make it easy for him and torture yourself by having him in the house. I'd tell him to get out, he can stay with OW, friends or family or lodge in q crappy spare room for all you care. He was taking you for an absolute fool, entering into a fixed term mortgage to lock you in as he cheated. I wouldn't take that lying down.