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Relationships

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Original poster

I suspect my husbands using pof

18 replies

Whyowhy01 · 29/07/2019 02:33

I suspect that my husband may have used pof. We were going through a bad time and one evening, he bluted out, never mind theres plenty of fish out there.

Two months later I went on the laptop and there was a link to a closed account to pof. I dont usually go on the laptop and the link just took me to the log-on page to pof.

I asked him about it, and he says he hasnt used it.

We were given the laptop of his parents, who no longer wanted it and his nieces did used to borrow it. But they, all except one, have been in long term relationships.

Is there anyway to find out if the account was my husbands? All the passwords I've tried dont work. But wondering if he would have had to pay a subscription fee or is there any other suggestions please?

OP posts:

HennyPennyHorror · 29/07/2019 02:36

Join POF. Make up a fake profile and go through the men in your area in his age range.

My friend did this...she just grabbed a photo from Google....she deleted it all afterwards and the pic she used was a stock image.

She found her husband.

Booksareforkids19 · 29/07/2019 02:49

Are you saying- he blurted out “never mind, there’s plenty of fish out there?” I’d be weary. I know it’s a saying, but it’s a bit too specific.
Don’t ask too many questions or pressure him. For now, just take it slow and watch his behavior/ actions.

adayatthebeach · 29/07/2019 02:51

You don’t even have to put up a picture on POF

HennyPennyHorror · 29/07/2019 03:02

There you go...no picture needed. I'd do it OP...make an account and have a look for him. Then you'll know.

Original poster

Whyowhy01 · 29/07/2019 03:05

Books are for kids, yes I agree - it does seem too specific 🙄

HennyPennyHorror i was thinking of setting a fake profile up, but the link was to a closed account. So Im thinking, even if i did set up a fake profile, if hes not active any longer, then I would probably be waisting my time, especially if, as adayatthebeach says that profiles on pof dont need a pitchure.

Eeek, i have that sick feeling in my stomach just telling me its too much of a coincidence. But just don't think I can be 100% sure until I have evidence, he would never admit to it.

OP posts:

HennyPennyHorror · 29/07/2019 04:22

Ah right...did you have a look through his emails? That's what I'd do. Plus the deleted ones and the spam.

Musti · 29/07/2019 05:14

Plenty of fish is an expression though, isn't it?

Original poster

Whyowhy01 · 29/07/2019 07:35

HennyPennyHorror thanks, i'll take a look through. Im sure he set another email up, so not really sure i'll know all the passwords through, but its worth ago.

I hope your friend is doing ok these days.

OP posts:

sunnydays78 · 29/07/2019 07:53

Each time you get a message from someone on POF, POF email you to say you have a message. I’d start off by checking there

HennyPennyHorror · 29/07/2019 07:57

Musti yes...but the point is that it wasn't a nice thing to say to OP and it set her mind to wondering if he'd said the phrase because he's been on the site.

SandyY2K · 29/07/2019 08:09

He might have just said it in anger. I don't think you'll find anything now.

What's your relationship like now?

Lizzielocket · 29/07/2019 08:35

Found exP on Plenty of Fish, he didn’t have a photo up but the dickhead used the nickname I gave him as his profile name. He denied everything despite me logging in on his iPad with his email and password he used for absolutely everything.
If you suspect him then make a fake account, set your settings to finding men within your husbands age and within 5 miles of your postcode. Even if he hasn’t got a photo up I bet if he’s on there you will find him down to his writing style or profile name, it will relate to his life in some way.

Stapelberg · 29/07/2019 23:18

I am a single mum (divorced) with a 5 year old son (sorry I'm new to this so the ds dd abbreviations and stuff are a bit confusing).

Recently my friend whom I'm very close to, moved in w us as her flatmate is leaving the country and she can't manage the flat on her own. (she's 32) She is also my son's godmother and a lovely woman.

The issue is... Since she moved in she had become a total control freak. She tries to change the rules, she will undermine my authority when I speak to my son, is unfairly strict w him, she makes changes in the house without speaking to me and when I address these, she throws what I will call an adult tantrum... Silences, long face, mumbled answers, no eye contact. Yet when I'm at work or out, she will send me these millions of text messages explaining why she is the way she is (she had a terrible, abusive childhood), how hard she's trying to change and that she's sorry she's such a horrible person blah blah blah. In my opinion it's pure manipulation. I definitely do not want her to move out, I want to try work this out. I understand that she had a hellish life and that she is desperate to feel part of a real, caring family. Before she moved in she was fun to be with, we laughed a lot, had coffee and watched movies till late. I'm in my 40s and we really had a great relationship like schoolfriends.
I feel like me telling her to back out of my parenting and to stop trying to tell me how to live my life, had caused a wedge between us. I can't get that warm, openness between us back. I miss my friend the way she was. I barely know this strange woman.

How can I fix this...?

HennyPennyHorror · 30/07/2019 03:22

Stapelberg you're supposed to start your own thread....it's easy...just click "Start a new thread in this topic'

It depends what device you're using as to where that is.

MiMiMaguire · 30/07/2019 16:32

If you found the site in your internet history cant you just find in the history all the dates & times the site was accessed? If its since the laptop has been in your house and it wasnt you, then it was your husband.

Mary1935 · 30/07/2019 16:55

Hi have you had the computer which was given to him prior to being together or after you where together. Did you meet on a dating website?

MMmomDD · 30/07/2019 17:04

OP - what exactly are you trying to achieve/prove/find out?
You said you were having a bad patch....
Has it improved since then? Have you worked on your relationship and got to a better place?

People cope in different ways to bad phases in their relationship. Let’s for a min assume that when things were at its worst - he set up an account and had s look. And maybe it gave him comfort to know that there are women who checked his profile and even said hi. Maybe he even said hi back....
People do that sometimes, it helps self esteem; and helps get trough stress.
If it did happen and was his way of coping - who cares IF things are OK now.

What is more important to you - digging in the past - OR the relationship today?
In your post you didn’t say you suspect he actually cheated, just (possibly) looked around on there.

If you want to be in this relationship - i’d focus on the real life and on today.

Rubbinghimsweetly2 · 30/07/2019 17:22

I arranged a date with my husband through pof once.

E.g. husband that is.

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