Separation

[Chinsters89]

Hi,

I've been with my husband for almost 13yrs and we have 2 children aged 5 and 4. We got together when we were in our late teens.
Over the last few months we've both noticed things aren't right. We've now spoken on a number of occasions and realised we've grown apart and seem to have accidentally fallen out of love. We also have almost nothing in common, which has become more of a problem since we've grown up.
We still love each other but aren't in love. I keep getting really emotional about it as he's my best friend and he's been my constant for the last 13yrs. I never expected this to happen and it's sad to think that one day he'll be someone else's.
Truth is, I don't think I'm sexually attracted to him anymore and don't think I have been for years, which I only recently realised. We're like friends that live together and occasionally have sex. It's not fair on him.
If we do separate (looking likely) he's a family man and I know he'll still be there for all of us. We'd also do it gradually and have to live together for a while so we had time to sort out living arrangements and finances.
Any words or wisdom or has anyone been there? Think I'm scared of being lonely in the long run too. It's just all a big mess.
Thanks for reading. X

Sexual attraction will always wax and wane in long term relationships. Without both parties talking and making an effort to connect on a regular basis, it will die.

No long term relationship remains passionate at all times. You've got to WORK at it.

I think splitting up over this is somewhat shallow. Sorry to be blunt.

You have children and have been together for a long time...shit gets tough! Go to counselling and work through it all.

I understand what you're saying but I can't make myself want to have sex and even if I did, he wants to be more adventuress than me, which then makes me conscious.
My lack of sex drive in our relationship has been going on for the past 8yrs. He accepted it and I made an effort every so often because that was our only problem.
That's now only a small part of our problem. How do you fall back in love with each other when you now seem to have a friendship? We've been more like friends for years but this has only just clicked for us both now. And when we want different things from life? And have hardly anything in common to enjoy together? Again, that used to be a small issue because we were in love.
The last thing we want to do is split up because of the children but he won't ever go to counselling so that's a no go.
I was 17 when we got together and 23 when we got married. Then we had children very shortly after.
We're on good terms even with all of this being said but we can't help how we feel.
Going on holiday next week as a family so going to chill and see how it goes.

Hmm. So he's not happy with the lack of sex and you're not interested. That IS difficult. I think "falling back in love" is a misnomer though...you don't fall back in love but rediscover mutual attraction and fun.