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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What do i do?

12 replies

irisheyes93 · 28/07/2019 22:21

Hello. I need advice really badly, I've been in a relationship with bf for 5 years, 18 months ago I FOUND (no confession from him) he'd been sexting a family friend for some months & I stupidly decided to stay with him which I regret wholeheartedly. My mental health has deteriorated, I look at his phone everyday, when he isn't in I wonder what his upto. Our sex life has completely altered (my fault) I just can't be the same care-free woman I was knowing he sexually fantasized/wanked off over the phone to a woman completely different to me in every way. He has obviously told his close mate about our lack of sex life & at a party last week this friends mother asked when we're (me & my bf) having a baby? I replied not on the cards for me she turned to my bf & said under her breath ''she has to have sex to get pregnant, good luck with that''
I was quite embarrassed & it's obvious my bf's mate has told his MOM about my personal life. I just felt like standing up & screaming some home truths...everyone thinks his hung the moon & stars but his hurt me so irrevocably & behaved disgustingly but cos he is loved if I leave him I'll be the bad guy.
Can anyone help me? I need someone to talk to

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 28/07/2019 22:34

Only you can help yourself, and the way you do that is to get out of this dead relationship and move on. A relationship should enrich your life. Yours is killing you. Who gives a fuck if some irrelevant people think you're "the bad guy." This is bullshit and the last reason on earth to stay with someone who doesn't respect you.

user1497997754 · 28/07/2019 22:36

You deserve better you need to end this relationship and move on he sounds like a knob

womaninthedark · 28/07/2019 22:43

Walk away.

Needsomebottle · 28/07/2019 23:59

I stupidly decided to stay with him which I regret wholeheartedly.

So what's stopping you ending it now?

Happynow001 · 29/07/2019 06:38

He has obviously told his close mate about our lack of sex life & at a party last week this friends mother asked when we're (me & my bf) having a baby? I replied not on the cards for me she turned to my bf & said under her breath ''she has to have sex to get pregnant, good luck with that''
The opinion of despicable people who would think or, worse in this case, say this is quite worthless.

Make your decision to suit yourself and cut yourself off from such negativity. I bet you, once you've got over grieving for the relationship which might have been, you will feel a weight come off your shoulders and your mental health will start to improve.

Thank your lucky stars you don't have children to tie you for life with your BF and the nasty people in his life.

Strength to you OP 🌹

OnlineAlienator · 29/07/2019 06:42

Hmmm, a lifetime of misery vs some people thinking of you as a 'bad guy'......i know which i'd pick!!!!

Howdoyousleep · 29/07/2019 06:49

If you wholeheartedly regret staying with him, why not leave him now? So what if anyone thinks you’re the ‘bad guy?’ What his mate’s mother thinks is immaterial.

Original poster
irisheyes93 · 29/07/2019 21:38

Thank you for your replies, I really appreciate the advice. I'm moving back in with my mother soon and ending this toxic relationship. I guess I haven't left sooner as he does emotionally blackmail me and I know I'd feel guilty if he did anything stupid

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 29/07/2019 21:50

Bloody lucky you didn't have a kid with the jerk. Don't worry about what his family and friends think, if you ditch his ass you'll never have too see them again anyway.

crankyassnoperope · 29/07/2019 22:06

You absolutely CAN be the happy, care-free woman again, just not with him. Be that woman! Glad to hear you're cutting loose, you'll be breezing through cocktails and disco dancing in the kitchen again in no time.

emeraldisle91 · 30/07/2019 01:28

Hi just looking for opinions really as I can be dramatic and perhaps over-sensitive but this comment really bothered me.
Me and my partner had a minor disagreement yesterday it was so silly, I like bottled water & wanted to pop to the shop (we were passing one) now he ALWAYS says 'there's a tap at home where it's free' Hmm if i buy bottled water. I just couldn't be arsed to listen him prattling on so I just walked off. This really pissed him off & he caught up to me & said ' your asking for a slap'

I was / am completely shocked. What do you think I should do or say?
TIA

Clappyhapper · 30/07/2019 10:28

Emerald- you need to start your own thread so people will see it. But if someone spoke to me like that I’d dump them and run for the hills. I think one day you will get that slap if not.

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