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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please help me

7 replies

actualdepressedashell · 28/07/2019 22:12

Right I'm just going to be completely honest here about the mess that is my life. I can't be bothered lying anymore so I'm just going to state exactly what has been going on and I really don't need judgement. I get how fucked I am.

So I met a guy at the end of May online and we clicked, we had about four dates (we met many more times) and I then told him I loved him, he said he loved me too, had never felt this way about anyone before.

I really felt it but I have an alcohol problem, I am really struggling with my alcohol consumption, when I first met him I tried to break it off many times as I was aware that I was unable to have a healthy relationship, whenever I tried to break it off he would talk me round. He told me he would support me getting better etc.

This lasted a month, I was feeling really overwhelmed and felt like he was pulling away. I am so insecure so I put it down to that but I couldn't shake the feeling that he was pulling away, so I broke up with him. He gracefully accepted this.

I then panicked and changed my mind and he stated that just because I take it back doesn't change the way it made him feel. We met up a few times but things were awkward and since then it has gone way downhill.

I have made myself come across as so desperate and needy, basically begging him for answers and trying to get back. Today I messaged him asking him to block me, it took him hours but he finally did block me and it has destroyed me. When I told my friend he was like but you told him to? But I never expected him to.

I feel a little relieved to be honest but also heartbroken. I don't know what is wrong with me. I am totally aware this is unhealthy behaviour but I feel so obsessed with this guy.

He doesn't care about me, I know that, he is completely indifferent towards me and it hurts. All in all I have known this man for two months so this is a real over reaction and obviously I need to deal with my issues.

The question is, how do I get through the pain until then? I am in agony, I am dealing with depression and alcohol dependency. I feel like he's the best I'll ever do and that I'm pathetic. I'm very self aware and I am fully aware this isn't healthy and I am working on myself but I need help until then.

I can't get my head around the fact he blocked me, I keep thinking did he block me because I begged him to and that means he actually secretly cares. But I know of course he doesn't, he blocked me to get fucking peace.

I've never been in so much pain. I have had long term relationships and I have never felt as shit as this. I don't get it.

OP posts:
HennyPennyHorror · 29/07/2019 02:15

Go to the doctors. It's the best and only thing to do. They will help you.

Monty27 · 29/07/2019 02:32

You've lost a relationship due to alcohol. He offered to help and you dumped him. Now he's probably relieved. Leave him alone in your newly found wisdom and seek help from professionals. Or carry on being destructive. Your call.
I wish you well. Alcohol addiction is a fierce enemy.
Flowers

Idontwanttotalk · 29/07/2019 11:16

Go to AA and to your GP for help with your alcohol addiction.

Leave this man alone. You only met him online at the end of May, that is only 2 months ago and you've tried to break it off many times in that 2-month period. Give him a break. He doesn't need the hassle of an alcoholic in his life.

You are going to destroy the life of anyone you get involved with so why would you put anyone through this?

Sort out your life and get free of your addiction before getting involved with anyone. As alcohol lowers your inhibitions, try not to put yourself in situations where you have unsafe sex. Don't bring a child into this world as a result of your addiction.

loobyloo1234 · 29/07/2019 11:22

I think you need to sort your own life out before you get into a relationship OP. What help are you receiving for your alcohol dependency?

Skittlenommer · 29/07/2019 12:41

In my experience men are very literal. He blocked you because you asked him to.

You are in absolutely no position to be in a relationship right now with him or anyone else. You need help to deal with your issues with alcohol etc. Work on you.

actualdepressedashell · 29/07/2019 18:13

I've just started anti depressants and I am doing therapy through addaction but I think I may go private and pay for therapy as I feel it's not getting to the real root of the issue.

OP posts:
Wishihad · 29/07/2019 18:26

You need to sort yourself out before evening contemplating a relationship. You treated him appallingly and are playing games with him. It's not fair on him or you.

If you can pay for therapy, do. It's much quicker. Good luck.

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