Ghosting-would you bother getting in touch?

[loveyoutothemoon]

Hi all. After being happily single for a long time, thought I'd try and find a relationship. Met someone this week from POF, seemed genuine, lots of things in common, was complimentary and said he'd like to see me again. I thought there was chemistry there.
I wanted to be upfront and explain my few health conditions and he seemed relieved to be able to tell me his. Before I left, I said go away and think about things, he said that he didn't need to and that he was OK with it.
The other day I asked him if he'd like to meet again and he said that he'd would, maybe this afternoon, (today) he'd have to see how he felt after a long shift yesterday.
So fully expecting him to let me know either way, say midday, but he didn't, total silence.
If it was you, would you move on or message to ask if the health conditions concerned them? I thought it was rather rude to not let me know and I was a bit miffed earlier, but now I'm not sure but don't want to embarrass myself.
What would you do?
Thanks.

He might have been put off by that level of intensity rather than whatever the condition is.

You’re asking for advice/opinions here, right? So maybe he spoke to someone in RL who advised him that such a conversation the first time you met was a bit much.

I think that’s what I would tell a friend, tbh.

But we don’t know the illness so we can’t really judge!

Tbf I thought herpes as well.

The way you're being evasive (which is fine, you don't owe is) and the intensity in your posts focusing on your health issues as well as telling him to go away and think about it has more likely put him off. Especially after the debrief with a friend most of us do after a date who might have put him off further.

You need to be more relaxed in your own skin to expect anyone else to be.

Ghosting normally means when you are in a relationship with someone and they just disappear. Not that it's right but it's not unusual after just a date or two form people to just not message again.

He probably did find you attractive and probably really enjoyed the date, why would he be anything other than animated and polite and engaging? But that doesn't mean planning for the future. It's a first meeting.

If your health issues are a big deal to you and you are worried someone could be put off by them, I can understand you being upfront about it. At least, if he runs, better he does it now than when you start getting attached.

The advice I received (by a male friend) when it comes to dating is don’t care more than they do and it really helped me shift my perspective as I would naturally tend to sit there and wonder why. If he doesn’t care enough to text, then don’t waste energy caring about why he doesn’t x

Well if you're not telling the medical condition, which is fair enough, then we don't know if that is off-putting. It sounded like herpes to me. And even if we knew the condition then we still don't know if it might be off-putting to him.

Maybe you should just not think too much about it. I've had dates that I thought were meh, but the other party thought that we got along like a house on fire. Sometimes it's just one of those things.

I’d leave it. If it was something like he was so tired he’d fallen asleep when he got home, he’d have texted today to apologise. The fact is, he’s said nothing at all. That’s your answer.

Thanks. Following the last few replies, I do really get what you're saying, the thing is, I started to tell him and he was like "Tell me yours and I'll tell you mine"
Put it this way, he wouldn't be able to catch anything from me!
Yes I agree that I need to be more relaxed in my own skin. I really thought that I was doing the right thing but in hindsight maybe not. Next time I definitely won't be making anything of it. Obviously it will be slipped into conversation at some point but not the first date!

Actually I think that a perfectly reasonable thing to tell someone on a first date. Gets it out there early so that if they do decide they're not interested, it doesn't matter as much.
Give it a couple of days OP, if he hasn't contacted give up and move on. Don't let it knock your confidence. Like a pp said, if he can't be bothered to send a text, maybe you have dodged a bullet.

The thing is, he might have done this anyway. Lots of people change their mind about seeing someone after the first date. I’ve done it myself and even been keen at the time but when I go away and think about it, there is something missing.

Thank you, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought it was better to get it out there. Yes I won't bother to text him.

If he works shifts he might just be tired!

I might not reply to all messages but taking them all on board, thank you. Feel better for having a moan!

IvanaPee
I get that I really do. Just one text though is all it takes just to say "I'm OK for today" or "sorry I'm not too good"

it's very common to get on well at a first date and not hear again from someone ... I feel like there's very little commitment at this point, he doesn't owe you an explanation as such.

It's probably not the health issue, may be just that "something" is missing.

@crappyday2018 that's really well said.

He may not have been lying when he said he was not put off by the medical condition and wanted to see you again - but on further reflection he may have decided he is ambivalent. Certainly he appears ambivalent from his contact as he is continuing to contact you in a half-arsed way. He may be casting his net wide and dating a number of people at the same time, there could be another prospect who interests him more. Not a bad approach to take with online dating, and one I would recommend considering to reduce date intensity. I would file him in the back of your mind and wait to see if he contacts you next, when he does you can see how you feel about replying at the time and take it from there.

After chatting to so many men, I really thought this one had potential. To be honest I'm fed up with the competition and the thought of them chatting to many different women, too much competition. Think I'm done with it. I'm going to get some hobbies, just want to meet someone naturally.

@SootySueandSweeptoo that's great to hear!
I've gone on a paid site today, been a bit overwhelmed by it, so will go back on later.

He’s had a rethink I’m guessing. Think it was way too much, way too soon and upon reflection he’s probably thought no