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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Filled with dread

10 replies

FindaPenny · 28/07/2019 18:01

Hi everyone, feeling very down and anxious today. We are going on holiday tomorrow, husband, child and two other members of the family and I just feel nothing but dread and like I want to burst into tears.

For awhile I have just felt supremely lonely and empty. I had a very turbulent upbringing, which gradually improved, but I don't think I have ever recovered and I think it has sort of plagued my life and coloured all of my decisions.

I feel the only thing in my life to be proud of is my daughter, she is honestly amazing.... Other than that I'm empty. I have a few friends but no one that I can properly confide in.

Things were good with my husband in the beginning, but slowly deteriorated, not from anything drastic, but mainly because I'm weak and he is quite thoughtless, now it just feels as if we go through the motions.... He is very disinterested in family life in general and will seem to prioritise anything above it and if I question the status quo he basically shuts me down or will ignore me.

If I don't look to hard at things, then mostly my life seems fine, even with my husband day to day it's fine because I know to basically not rely on him for much and we mostly get along. But the holiday feels like some sort of pressure test to see how disinterested he really is and I'm trying to guess what way he will let me down to kind of prepare myself. I think hope is the killer honestly, I treat him nicely in the hope it will illicit a thoughtful response but it rarely does. He is honestly not as bad as I have made him sound... Maybe with someone else he could be great.

Not sure what I'm wanting from this thread, barring anything dramatic going on during the holiday I imagine things will continue as is, but I think I just wanted to let it out and say I feel worthless and lonely.

OP posts:
Mrsmummy90 · 28/07/2019 18:19

Spend the holiday focussing on you and dd and the other family members. Put your energy into making it fun for you and dd and if dh wants to make effort, great. If not, you and dd will have had a good time together regardless :)

FindaPenny · 28/07/2019 18:23

@MrsMummy90 thanks so much for the response. That sounds like good advice... Expect nothing and maybe get a pleasant surprise.

OP posts:
Mrsmummy90 · 28/07/2019 18:28

I hope you have a really good time!
Have a look at what is on offer in the area and make a rough plan for each day so that you have loads of fun stuff planned! And eat as much amazing food as you can 😊

FindaPenny · 28/07/2019 18:34

Wow... You sensed my greedy love of food over the internet🤣
Thank you for the positive and non judgemental messages... It means a lot😊

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Mrsmummy90 · 28/07/2019 18:40

I'm genuinely food obsessed lol when I think of holidays, I think of all the great food I can shove in my face lol!
Have a great time xx

crappyday2018 · 28/07/2019 18:52

I agree, try to stop making the holiday about him and make it about you and your dd. I've had many a holiday spoiled by my ex, mainly because I pandered to him and focussed on keeping him happy rather than myself and DC.

FindaPenny · 28/07/2019 21:57

Thank you for the reply, sometimes I think when you don't have many people in your life it's hard not to over focus on those you do have, if that makes sense. One of the family members arrived today and I think that will be good to keep my focus elsewhere. Thanks again for your thoughtful reply x

OP posts:
CallMeOnMyCell · 28/07/2019 22:11

I feel so sad for you, I’m in a similar situation with my DP and I feel so disappointed by his lack of interest. I agree with PPs, plan fun things for you and your DD and have a great time. Holidays are a great opportunity to reassess and make changes when you get home.

crappyday2018 · 28/07/2019 22:50

I hope you enjoy yourself despite your uninterested dh.

FindaPenny · 28/07/2019 22:51

Thanks for your kind reply @CallMeOnMyCell and sorry to hear that you are experiencing similar. It is hard to know what to do when things aren't awful but life isn't great either.... The disinterest can be very painful because often it feels like there is contempt there too... Like we are not worth being interested in, especially when they can seem to find interest in other people. He really isn't that bad but perhaps we aren't a great match or maybe too much water has gone under the bridge. All three of you have given me the same advice, so I will definitely be taking it 👍🏻

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