Accepting and moving on.

[workitout]

OH and myself are in a very bad place with our relationship, he has been incredibly cruel to me over the years, verbally and a small amount of physical stuff.

I decided I wanted out of the relationship and he decided he didn't want that, he's been seeing a counsellor for his behaviour towards me. He seems genuinely remorseful and things have improved.

He accepts that the things he said to me where and are wrong, abusive and unkind.

One of the things the councillor said was that he has to talk to me and accept my feelings.

This morning we had a conversation around our sex life and I told him I could often feel his "irritation" with me if I didn't orgasm quickly enough, which obviously led to me being anxious and in turn unable to have an orgasm. He would "insist" almost through gritted teeth, so I used to just act to get the situation over with.

I always knew he was irritated with me. So why when he admitted this today and said yes he was wrong has it hurt me so much. I've had to come out for a coffee on my own. I always knew it so how does it cause me so much pain now? Did I think he was going to come up with a completely different story? Maybe I wanted him to insist I'd imagined it and that it wasn't true? I know that wouldn't be true but the truth has hurt.

I've told him I find it impossible to believe that he loved or loves me, he's hurt me so much. He insists he has always loved me, will always love me...... I just can't get past this feeling of he loves the situation, the house, the companionship, the ease of the relationship but does that mean he actually loves me, I'm not so sure.

So has anyone got any tips for dealing with the actual truth, even though it hurts I'm aware to move forward we need to be truthful.

I think you've accepted more than enough pain from being in this horrible relationship and I think you should end it and move on.

You need to start trusting your gut and be truthful to YOURSELF. Stop pushing your feelings under the carpet in order to convince yourself he actually cares. He is paying you lip service, telling you what you want to hear.

You hear that question you are asking yourself 'how can someone who loves me, treat me this way?' you know the answer to that question. LISTEN to it.

People who care about us aren't cruel deliberately to us. People who have contempt for us, are.

If I were you I'd get the feck away from this person quicker than my legs could carry me. All this therapy bull is just a rouse to for you into thinking he actually cares (probably, as you have said to keep the lifestyle he has) stop kidding yourself that you are falling for it. You aren't. Your gut is right, listen to it.

I do hear what your saying, I've told him I will try and for some reason guilt is making me do that. I just feel a physical pain at hearing what I knew was already the truth. I feel so very low with it all.

You don't owe him a 'try'.

Of course it hurts, thinking someone we care about doesn't actually feel that way about us. We do anything to ignore that idea, even when it isn't an just an idea anymore and it is glaring us in the face. And we know it. We don't want to believe it.

But there comes a time what you just gotta stop lying to yourself. You have to step up and love yourself more than you love a man who has nothing but an empty space where his heart should be.

It will be hard and you will feel like shit. But you gotta face it head on. Rip of the bandaid. For you. Because you deserve to be happy, and with him, that will never be possible.

The pain you're feeling right now won't last, though it will leave a bruise.

Just sit with your knowledge for a while. And think over the next few days what you would do if you had no obligation to him. If you would be with him freely, then it's worth asking the next question - why did he feel like that? But if you want to be on your own, that's allowed. Be kind to yourself x