Never felt so on my own

[youngheart]

DC is with paternal family this weekend

I have always had issues with boundaries and allowing people to walk all over me

This year I whittled out a large proportion of "friends" who weren't good for me

Realised my DM was controlling my life so have whittled that out

I have sat for the past hour and cried how alone I am the two or three friends I do have are all settled married kids etc so not free to be out and socialise on weekends

Have been pretty much single since my DC was 7 months old and never in a position to meet anyone

I have sat on my own since around 5/6pm yesterday

I'm petrified growing older this will be me for the rest of my life

Can't really offer any advice but you are most definitely not the only person like this. A lot of people feel alone and desperate despite appearances that all is good so don't compare yourself to others as that is never helpful. I hope some posters can come on here and help and offer good advice but please don't feel alone.

Take up some volunteering work or do a wee college course! Get out and about and meet people. College courses are great for making friends to go out with. Meetup groups centred around a shared hobby can be good too. You won't meet anyone sitting about inside, you gotta get out there and try new things! And if it doesn't work for you, try something else.

@youngheart Hand holding from afar. My DC's have been on holiday with my exh and his whole (lovely) family for the first time for the last 5 days, I don't have family close and don't really have friends since we split, just one couple with a new baby who were away with family. I've cried constantly. It's got easier as the days have gone on, I don't have advice, but I hope you're ok, you're strong and can get through this time, I just took myself out to do little things, get a coffee and a magazine, gym, walked the dog, wandered around the shops

OP, so sorry you feel like this.
Feeling lonely can almost be an overwhelming feeling like drowning.
It's good you have had a good cry and let it out.
Unfortunately, you are the only person who can help yourself.
That means finding out what happens locally to you.

Think hard and make a list of any activity at all that you might be prepared to try.

The library can be a good source of information.

Sport is a great mixer, like walking, running, hiking.
Being outside can really help your sence of overall wellness.
Volunteering locally.
Cycling club.

You need to view this as a project and even though it is difficult, that you are going to make this a priority.
It's investing in your future.
Most people don't need dozens of friends.
All you need is to find a couple of nice ones.
The easiest way to do this initially is often through a shared activity.

Another hand hold from me. It can be crap at times feeling lonely. I'd suggest meetup.com as a brilliant option, pick one meetup that is on regularly in your local area that appeals and make a plan to go a good number of times. Even if you don't immediately click with anyone, it doesn't matter - you will relax as you get more comfortable, and there are always new people coming along so you may find a great friend. I'd second the excellent advice above as well.

How old is DC now? Do you get regular time without DC?

Definitely try a few different activities to meet people. I do a few and it means I have hardly any free time! Lots of people manage it juggling kids too.