DH lost interest in me sexually

[mummmmeee]

My DH has always had a very high sex drive. We used to have sex a lot when we first got together (at least 1x a day)and over the years even though we had sex less we still had it regularly and he was always wanting more. Since the birth of our LO 9 months ago he is literally not interested at all. We've had sex a few times but he's not really interested in intimacy and things like kissing me apart from giving me little pecks on lips. I find it very unusual and it's starting to affect my self esteem. I had put some weight on when pregnant but I'm a size 10 (was an 8 before getting pregnant) so I don't consider myself to be big as such and trying to be healthy so I can lose the remaining extra weight. But I feel very unattractive as my own DH doesn't seem to fancy me. Is he having an affair? Why doesn't he want me after 5 years of good sex life? It's literally been since I had our son and it's making me very sad and tearful

Sometimes recently I've started to try to 'tease him' e.g. Walk in the room with T-shirt no bra and a thong on to chill and watch tv. He looks at me, tells me I'm sexy and then just watches tv or gets back to playing games on his phone. Sorry I'm just venting as it makes me angry, rejected and upset and I'm not ready to talk to any friends in real life about this.

OP, the fb messages thing might be that he has another account linked to messenger. My sister signed into hers from my phone but didn't unlink from mine when she was done so the same thing kept happening to me eg. A message icon on the app but then no message.

To check go on the app and click his profile picture in the top left corner then scroll down and click on switch account. You'll see if there's another account and might be able to get on it if he's enabled switching without a password.

Might put your mind at ease.

I currently have a glitch with my Facebook where it shows I have new messages in Facebook, but when I go to messenger I don't. Clicking on it doesn't get rid of them. It's been going on for a while. I've Googled for a solution and loads of other people are reporting the same issue.

I have the same issue on FB and I don't have any extra accounts or anything. It also flags up a friend request when there isn't one, from time to time.

My best theory is that if I open a message on the iPad the indicators on the phone aren't updated.

Another one for porn I would say a lot of the time sex life take a nose dive in pregnancy ( understandably ), porn and wanking fill the gap and it becomes a habit . Then like anything else because its been left that long it becomes awkward .

You do hear about men who are freaked out sexually for a while by watching their partners give birth.

It sounds a little bit passive on your part tbh. If he tells you you look sexy and then goes back to his phone, tell him to put the phone down and get on his knees to give you pleasure. Or something like that? Get a bit more demanding.

Rwalker what you're saying makes perfect sense however my DH was showing me lots of affection throughout pregnancy and even after I gave birth. His behaviour changed when our baby was about 3 weeks old and all of a sudden he forgot I'm a woman (so it seems).

Thank you for FB responses. Hopefully it's just a glitch with the account

Temporarypermanent I'm definitely not passive when it comes to initiating it. But as a woman I don't always want to feel I need to make the first move and I need to make effort and then be suggestive for my husband so he feels enough pity for me to have sex with me. That's how I feel at the moment. I feel needy and unwanted as all of a sudden he seems fine without having sex with me but I'm not. It's like he's had a personality transplant in regards to intimacy.

I'd like for him to occasionally actually want me and not treat me like I'm part of the furniture

"Although noticed on his FB it showed he has a message but when I clicked on it it didn't show anything but the new message icon didn't go away"

That happens on mine sometimes it's usually spam messages

"Tiredness maybe but before the baby tiredness never stopped him at all. He could literally be exhausted but still wanting sex" you must know yourself the tiredness we have before babies can be as nothing in comparison to the exhaustion of constant broken nights with a baby - and it's not always mum who struggles with that most, some people just cope better with sleep deprivation than others.

You're marriage is not doomed, it's absolutely normal for sexual appetite to wax and wane (how long you been married?) for loads of reasons.

But honest but non accusatory communication is what is needed - would solve SO MANY Mn and relationship problems in general.

Say "I feel..." Rather than "you are doing/being..."

Surely if it was related to your weight gain it would have been an issue in late pregnancy and immediately after the birth? It seems weird to me that it started 3 weeks after the birth.

Yes I will talk to him. Dreading it.

Good point about me being bigger when pregnant and him not being bothered about it. I'm so confused

I'm not sure if he expected me to lose weight and although I have done not all of it. When I was pregnant he mentioned one of my friends how well she's done managing to get to pre baby weight quickly and he hopes I'll be the same or something along those lines. He said it half a jokey way but it stayed on my mind.

Porn replacing sex

Going through the same thing with DH

Basically everything Sadie has said

A lot of men loose their sex drive after the birth of a baby. It could be down to tiredness and stress if baby isn't sleeping. How was sex life during the pregnancy? If started right after the birth then I'd say it's related. You need to talk to him about this. Communication is key in any relationship. Don't be embarrassed to share your feeling with him. He may not have realised there's an issue and how its affecting you. Good luck OP