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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I have a crush!

25 replies

RainbowsAndMoonbeams · 27/07/2019 22:11

I've had a crush on someone I see every few months through work, for about a year now. We're never in the position where we are on our own and it's likely that from here onwards I'll be seeing him even less.
He has given signals that he is interested which my colleagues and I have picked up on but I just can't push it to go any further. He has a Facebook account but it looks like he doesn't use it as his profile picture has been the same for 3 years. My friends and I have done a bit of digging and social media doesnt seem to be something he uses.
Do I send him a friend request and risk feeling rubbish if he doesnt accept because the account is dead? Also, I dont know if he has a girlfriend and I'd feel awful if i interfered with someone's relationship.
Where do I go from here?
I've tried not thinking about him but there's something that I just can't switch off from!

OP posts:

toycar · 27/07/2019 22:13

why can't you make the first move?

Original poster

RainbowsAndMoonbeams · 27/07/2019 22:27

I have a room full of people that are always with us so it just doesnt feel possible. I'm fairly confident so I know that if we were alone, I'd be able to move it forward but unfortunately I don't have that opportunity.

OP posts:

toycar · 27/07/2019 22:29

hmm, ok. i see. can you take a phone number or talk more to him

toycar · 27/07/2019 22:31

or find out more about him and his relationship status? if you wont be seeing much more of him, is it just chemistry but won't lead to much if there's no opportunity to have a personal conversation?

Original poster

RainbowsAndMoonbeams · 27/07/2019 22:43

I feel like it will go nowhere if something is pushed? I'm not sure if that is a bad thing and I'm forcing something that's isn't meant to be but I just feel like I can't drop it!
I literally have no idea how to move it forward without doing what we've done for the last year.

OP posts:

Mamabear12 · 27/07/2019 22:48

If you work together you have his email? And I’m sure he has yours? You could possibly make an excuse to email him. But also, if he has your email he could email you. Most men would do so. If they are interested they find a way. My dh spoke to me briefly for 2 mins before another guy cut him off. I walked away as the other guy was hitting on me and annoying. A week later I got a FB message and friend request (he knew some people that knew me). So basically he tracked me down. In understand the embarrassment though of contacting a work colleague. But I also feel if the guy wanted to he could make an excuse to. But that being said it doesn’t mean he is not interested. You could make the first move and see what happens.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 27/07/2019 22:53

I agree l would be making an excuse to e mail him. If he likey too as you believe it will be welcomed. Go for it.

Original poster

RainbowsAndMoonbeams · 27/07/2019 23:40

It's not that straight forward unfortunately
He wouldn't be able to get my work email as he isn't employed by the same people as me. He is from an outside company that my organisation uses for services.
I have his email (via an unofficial route) however contacting him in that way would be considered a safe guarding issue, and vice versa.
If we didn't work within an environment that is so delicate, things would be much easier!

OP posts:

MyOtherProfile · 27/07/2019 23:42

Can you hover next to him during coffee and enlist your colleagues to keep other people out of the way?

Original poster

RainbowsAndMoonbeams · 27/07/2019 23:52

I can't really go into what our jobs entail but as things go, neither of us could proposition the other at work. My colleagues and I have tried to think of ways but it could cause some serious back lash.
That's why I've been looking at ideas outside of work.
I cant believe how difficult it is to tell a bloke I fancy him! Lol!

OP posts:

MyOtherProfile · 28/07/2019 05:34

You don't need to proposition him, just have a conversation with him generally to start to actually get to know him. Some means of contact can be taken then after a few conversations.

Marlena1 · 28/07/2019 06:55

Could you park your car near where he does and when the meeting is over, pop out to your car for something? You can get a converstation going "do you have far to travel" etc and suss it from there. If going well you would need to take the bull by the horns and tell him you were going for a quick coffee if he fancied. You wouldn't be going too far with that as you would say that to a colleague.

hightymike · 28/07/2019 07:00

Next time you know you're going to be seeing him at work make sure there's something heavy in your car and ask him to help you carry it inside so you have to go to the car park with him. Then if he's friendly etc offer to buy him a drink as a thank you.

Original poster

RainbowsAndMoonbeams · 28/07/2019 09:02

They're all good ideas, thank you. I dont think its going to be possible to do the car things however if the chance comes up I'll have to make it work lol

The last couple of times I've seen him he moved conversations on to talking about where he is from etc and he hung around and waited for me when I was calling from one department to another. Unfortunately we still weren't alone as any outsider of the organisation where I work needs an escort. There was lots of smiles, eye contact and he pretty much only speaks to me. My colleagues joke that it's as if we're the only ones in the room when he's here.

OP posts:

emsyj37 · 28/07/2019 10:14

I assume he could phone you at work and ask switchboard or reception to put him through to you? As a PP said, if he wanted to ask you out he would find a way to do so. I wouldn't waste energy trying to engineer an opportunity for him - he could find a way if it was what he wanted. Possibly he finds you attractive, but for whatever reason he isn't interested enough to pursue dating you at this point. Maybe he's already in a relationship?

Original poster

RainbowsAndMoonbeams · 28/07/2019 11:54

I dont have an office type job that would allow any sort of contact like that. I'm not sure how he would be able initiate it, in the same way that I'm feeling like I cant. Maybe you're right? Maybe I should just try to put it on the back burner and if anything happens, great. If not, then it's not meant to be.

OP posts:

Pinkbonbon · 28/07/2019 12:09

Post-it note with your number, slap it into his hand next time you see him... in the guise of a handshake maybe? With a little wink and a smile :)

Original poster

RainbowsAndMoonbeams · 28/07/2019 19:00

I love your style! I thought I was confident enough but maybe not that confident lol

OP posts:

MyOtherProfile · 28/07/2019 20:27

When are you due to see him again?l

Original poster

RainbowsAndMoonbeams · 28/07/2019 20:37

Probably 6 weeks at the earliest but it's likely to be very brief this time.

OP posts:

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 28/07/2019 20:42

It seems like your colleagues are on board with this - maybe you could ask him if you could have a couple of minutes to chat and go outside or wherever and ask if he wants to meet for a coffee outside of work? You will always wonder what if otherwise...

SusieOwl4 · 28/07/2019 20:44

just try the facebook page but don't feel bad if he does not respond as it might be that he does not see it.

Original poster

RainbowsAndMoonbeams · 28/07/2019 20:49

Ok I'm going to try befriending him and just hoping for the best!

My colleagues are brilliant and are definitely trying to play cupid! Maybe I should let them take the lead!

OP posts:

Original poster

RainbowsAndMoonbeams · 28/07/2019 21:06

That should have said friending him on Facebook

OP posts:

Marlena1 · 28/07/2019 21:56

Ok I know this is a bit out there but once someone I know fancied the woman who worked in a deli. She was making him a sandwich one day and he passed her a note asking her out. I wouldnt normally think that's a good idea but you do say there was a bit of eye contact etc. He married the girl in the deli

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