RAF life/wife

[LornaD007]

Hello everyone,

If anyone has any information or any pointers/tips I would be ever so grateful!

Basically my other half has completed his training to be a gunner and in a month or so me and our 5 Yr old will be moving to join him. He is being based at Marham but we will be living in Honington.
I am totally new to this and I am feeling extremely lost. There are so many things whizzing round my head like new school for our son, will I be ok living 200 plus miles away from my home town, what will I do for a job, how long will he be away for and how often, I don't drive so I am going to struggle etc.... Just so many things that might seem trivial to some but for me it's actually a massive thing to take on. I've supported him so far into this and I'm just very unsure as to what I'm actually going to get out of this for myself and our son as it seems very good for a young single lads kinda life but not so much for family life? Maybe that's just the way I'm feeling about it atm lol

I can't find any up to date threads about these kind of things. They all seem to be from a few years ago haha

So before my head explodes I thank anyone in advance who is going to reply to me

Just giving this a bump.

Sorry, I have no advice OP

Perhaps try here?
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/forces_sweethearts

My ex was in the Army so I do have some insights. Your comment about how it sounds like a "lads life" is very true. Unfortunately the men do tend to live like that . Wives and children just sort of "fit in" and make a life for themselves.

The first thing I'd suggest is that you get your driver's license and a car. You really need to be independent now - your DH will probably work odd hours and do some socialising with "the boys" so you need to be able to get around and not rely on him. Sorry if that sounds awful but it's reality for most women in this life.

When your son starts school I'd be looking at meeting other parents - you need a network of friends so that is always a good place to start. Getting a job is always a challenge for forces wives - you'll find that there are many other women in the same situation competing for what work there is. Of course that depends on what your job/ profession is. I was lucky - I'm a nurse so there was often work available but for some girls it was really hard if they were looking for areas like retail work or hospitality.

Have a look at www.raf-ff.org.uk/family-support/ which might be helpful.

Good luck !

RAF wife here.

I agree with the pp that I would look at passing your driving test if possible. When Hubby deploys, you will be very isolated if you have no method of getting around. Deployments tend to be around 6 months in duration but they get to come home for 10-14 days in the middle (known as R&R). How often he'll be away really depends on his trade.

Patch life is an odd life style but patches are friendly and there is always someone on hand to help out if needed. Most patches have very active social media sites and they're very handy for getting to know people.

Job wise it can be hard, especially with young children. Jobs on camp are often available but they're highly sought after.

Marham has a good families information centre (known as a HIVE) and various on camp activities which will be open to you as a dependent. Make sure Hubby registers you for a dependents pass ASAP after you arrive on unit.

Once you have your street address, look for British Forces Married Quarters on FB. You might find that you can see pics of the house but you'll also be able to ask someone to add you to the Marham page which will give you far more info from people who actually live there.

Does that help at all?

Above all things learn to drive.
There is no reason for your husband not to make this a priority in BOTH your lives. You need to be independent.

That said. I am assuming you are also married. ? If not - either get married or don't leave your current home. You should'nt have to trail around after him looking after his child and not being able to work and build up your own pension /earnings without the legal protection of marriage.

Thank you! Some very helpful info given

Totally agree with learning to drive, nothing worse than when they on tour of duty and car parked outside yet you are struggling home with kids and bags of shopping or you can’t easily go visit family. People have this strange impression that they will easily get house after leaving RAF, many years ago you would be priority on council list. Not anymore. Save hard for large deposit or buy and rent out a house. Help from fellow wives can be great but can also be stifling at times, I had a couple that I had to start being quite aloof with as daily visits for hours with their kids (I do mean everyday!) wreaking my house was driving me nuts. Try join clubs/gym/hobby as soon as possible to meet new people, it can be quite lonely at first, especially when husband has such close friendships with colleagues. You do end up marrying into the forces lifestyle, socialising together (there is a lot of drinking!) - it can be fun though. Forces have one of the highest rates of divorce but I think that’s down to communication, set up some ground rules early, both of you will get pressure from others to just accept last minute nights out etc, do it your way though and put your relationship first.

RAF almost-wife here :-)

First- if you can learn to drive do it asap. If there’s coffee mornings or family events on camp then go along, just so you can meet some other people in the same position- everyone’s been where you are at one point or another. Also there’s lots of forces WAGs Facebook pages with loads of advice and support and just knowing you’re not navigating it all alone. It’s a funny old life. My DP was a pad brat and then RAF and is the king of ‘adapt and overcome’ whereas I come from a very different background and it’s something I’ve had to learn!

It’s not just a single man’s game. My DP’s the last of his mates to settle down and most of his friends are married with kids ages ago x