Am I expecting too much?

[Bitmiffed]

Been with my boyfriend for about 18 months. Things are great generally between us but i guess my issue is it feels like he's stopped putting effort in. I don't know if I'm just being a diva though? He's affectionate, reliable and lovely in general but
when we first got together he planned amazing dates, took me to lovely restaurants and made me feel special.
Over the last few months if we ever do anything it's because I've planned/ arranged it. I just feel like I'm driving everything and if I didn't he'd be happy just cuddling up on the sofa every night.

I try to do nice things for him as a surprise, in the last few months I've booked tickets to gigs, taken him away for the weekend and arranged a few activities with friends plus the usually meals out/ cinema trips etc.
Just want to point out that money isn't the issue here, he always offers to pay if I've arranged something and vice versa. I'd be over the moon to come home to some candles and a homemade meal or something that shows he's put some thought in so in no way am I keeping tabs on who's spent what!

Today is my birthday. I've not made a massive deal in the hope he'd maybe plan something for tonight without me driving it. He's at work and hasn't mentioned anything so I texted him to ask if I needed to be ready for anything tonight. His reply was 'no, why would you like to do something?'
I replied with 'it doesn't matter I just didn't know if you'd made plans' to which he's come back and said he'll book the cinema

I guess I wanted to put on a dress and be wined and dined like he used to, I feel a bit 'meh' now tbh but then also feel like a total bitch as at least he's arranged something even if it is with some prompting

AIBU?

I'd have said 'come on love, it's my birthday and you didn't think to plan a surprise meal out or something? I know we've settled into a comfortable rut but it's a rut none the less! A girl likes to be surprised from time to time!'.

He doesn't seem to take hints, so just tell him what you want xD

I'm hearing a lot of what you expect or wish. Unless you tell him how you want to be treated, he's not a mind reader

Also imo I do think 18monthsninto a relationship is about the right time when these 'romantic' gestures have stopped and rightly so, it's called the honeymoon period. That type of behaviour is simply not sustainable in the real world. Don't be taken in by what Cosmo type mags tell you a relationship should be like.

In previous relationships I sounded like you, wanting to be wanted, wined and dined, it's a deeper issue, about being made to feel special.

My suggestion is to switch what makes you feel special, maybe take what he does show you as love, like the things you mentioned, friendship, loyalty and a quarrel free relationship!

It took to meet my husband to realise I was simply not communicating well, I wanted romance and would be upset if none was reciprocated after the honeymoon phase but I wouldn't bring it up and would let that disappointment fester

Now when I do feel like making an effort and would like him to do also I simply bring it up, such as let's do something nice for our anniversary etc

Eventually surprises have to end, and adult relationships begin

And if my post seems overly harsh it really isn't meant to be. I have been with my husband for over 12 years and I can't wait for the next 40+ of 'boring' domesticity 😍

I don't think you're being unreasonable.

I do think it's sadly all too common for women to do all the organising in an established relationship. Google "wife work", it's a thing and it only gets worse if and when you have children. It's not just dates and trips, you'll also be the only person organising childcare, play dates, other things for the family and household.

Unfortunately a lot of men stop bothering to make the effort once the thrill of the chase and the early days has worn off.

So it's up to you to decide whether or not you can live with it. Personally, I would never wait and see if my DH organises a surprise date or trip for me - because I know he wouldn't! He has never been particularly romantic, proactive or organised (sadly) but he does have plenty of other qualities.

PS Having said that DH does buy me thoughtful birthday and Christmas gifts including tickets to events I'd like.

Is it really that unsustainable? I mean, I'm capable of arranging a nice date once a month why can't he? I'm not asking for anything crazy, I'd just like him to plan something off his own back every now and then. I don't think that makes a relationship any less 'adult' does it?
I was married for 14 years previously so I'm not a spring chicken and I've certainly never read Cosmo!
You have a point about him not being a mind reader though, I guess me having to ask or tell him makes it feel less organic but perhaps I do need to have that conversation with him thank you 😊