Save my marriage

[Unusual123]

Hi
I really don't know how to make my marriage work or get my wife to talk to me. We have 3 children at school. I love my wife and children more than anything and want to save my marriage. We both work full time we both earn a good wage and my wife more than me. I don't resent that my wife earns more than me but she thinks I do. She organises everything without talking or telling me this is what we are doing and that's it. I cook clean shop iron and whatever chores that need doing without saying a word. I work shifts and I am up with the children every morning before her unless she has to go to the office. If I do something that she doesn't like she tell me then ignores me for day even after I apologise and if she does something I don't like I ignore it as it only turns in an argument. Sex life is zero intimacy is zero for about 4 yrs and talking just about the children. I've read many stories on here about relationships etc and I'm not bragging but some women seem to have really selfish partners. So what exactly do I seem to be doing wrong. Anything that needs doing is done anything that goes wrong is my fault. My wife doesn't want a divorce or break up but doesn't want me either so what is it that's she wants???? I'm at my wits end of how I can show her or how to make her believe that I want our relationship to work

Why do I not stand up to my wife plainly simple it's easier than been ignored for days where it's like I'm not in the house. When I do confront her she will go on and on about everything she's not happy about twisting everything and I'll end up apologising and been ignored for days. Would I say it right maybe I'm afraid of my wife.

Sadly I think she is abusive towards. I suspected you were too scared to stand up to her because of the consequences.

Please speak to one of the DV helplines out there, just because it isn't physical doesn't mean it isn't abuse. It is very unhealthy for you DC to live in a toxic environment, please seek legal advice, get your ducks in a row and leave with your DC.

Are your family local?

No family close at all and maybe that's the reason I don't stand up to her.

You can do this!!

Nothing is going to change unless you take steps to change this situation.
Would you be happy once your children are adults to see them putting up with this kind of treatment?

If not, then why are you accepting it for yourself?

I've got nobody else to turn to and what friends we have she has lied continually about how horrible and unreasonable I am. I went to the doctor a few months ago and ended up leaving there with antidepressants. Told my dearly beloved and her reply was what dosage are they and keep them away from the children. I been to see someone about it and and it's helped me but she never discusses it other than telling me that she has to walk around on eggshells now as she can't have a go at me. So it lasted a total of 2 weeks and we are back to square one

I hear what you’re saying but there’s a huge discrepancy here between what she’s saying and what you are saying. I’m wondering if it’s too little too late. Did it take for your wife to get to breaking point before you started actually doing anything? Have you been doing all of those things you’ve described for the entire time since the 1st baby was born? Be honest here or we can’t help you. The truth is that women with kids don’t tend to check out unless there’s a very good reason and it takes a long time to get to that point or something dramatic happens like an affair or staying out all night drinking or gambling. You described her as dearly beloved. You do realise how sarcastic that is right? Are you normally so sarcastic rather than talking in a reasonable tone? The reason I ask is that my cousin was like this. Always right. Always sharp with a retort and although it was funny for all of us, his tired wife couldn’t live with the attitude. I might be way off the mark here but you’ve asked for help

Righteous, how about you fuck off insisting this man must be at fault and somehow has driven his wife to abuse him or is lying? Do you tell abused women this? My arse you do. Fucking sexist shite.

When we had our children I was the one who stayed up downstairs with the babies all night for the two week paternity leave I got. My wife went off to bed for a sound nights sleep. I would clean tidy the house everything that you'd expect your husband to do if you had a just had new born. All she had to do is maybe make a coffee and change nappies while I slept. I did this for all our children but with our last if I didn't wake up before my wife wanted to go to bed there would be war. I slept in because I was tired. As for the housework chores etc I've never not pulled my weight. And no I'm not sharp or condescending towards my wife that's the other way round if I'm honest.
And you want to know where the breaking point was due to not having anyone to babysit or trusting anyone with our babies she sacrificed our relationship of not going out together to my wife going out with her friends.

And sorry for be sarcastic ref my beloved wife

If this is all true (and I hope it's not some freak making stuff up) then I am actually tearful reading this. She sounds like one messed up woman. My heart aches for you, Unusual. You poor thing. 😢

You know you're best off out of this "relationship". Find a way to leave. WITH your kids. I'm so provincial, blinkered and privileged that I'm shocked as hell at her behaviour: getting into your child's bed pissed? What a loser.

Thank you and to be honest I only came on here to see if I could get some help or advice on how to save my marriage or understand what exactly I'm doing so wrong. I don't mean to bitch about my wife I or be so critical but I'd rather tell the truth of how it is and how I can put it right again. Which is my priority but I seem to be getting the same answer from you all is to leave which I'm reluctant to do.

Am I mad ???

Righteous - your responses are incredibly presumptuous and sexist.

OP there is no saving your marriage I'm afraid. She sounds horrendous.

If she won't do counselling, won't listen to you, thinks she's in the right and will give you the silent treatment, then there aren't any options beyond :

• Stay and put up with it (because she's no interest in changing things)
• Or leave.

There's no magic formula of words we can give you that will make her want to change.

I mean, if she is what you say she is, and you've always done your share of household stuff, childcare and life admin, and you've been kind and loving and faithful as a partner - then there is nothing more you can do.

Why would you want to be with someone like that OP?

You don’t have to life such a miserable life with someone who ‘punishes’ you. That’s Domestic Abuse.

You adore your children, I hear you, but you can adore them just as much without putting up with the shit your DW puts you through.

There absolutely is happiness on the other side of divorce. Not only for you but for your children.

Take care

I'd leave OP. Truly. She sounds horrible.