Dh wont be happy....

[steppyh]

So a friend has just text me to tell me dhs ex is engaged. She bumped into her and showed the ring. Has had a dd with her who is 6.

She's been with this guy 9 months. I'm going to call him Steve. Steve has 6 children to 6 different women and isn't in contact with them all. He moved in after 3 months. The ex ended her last relationship in September last year and by December last year, this new guy moved in. Which led to one incredibly confused dsd who kept crying to her dad that she just wanted mummy and daddy to live together.

Obviously dh is going to find out, I don't think I'll tell him I know. But he's not going to be happy. He's been so worried about his dd who is really confused about Steve. The ex has also halved dhs contact so dd can get the know Steve - which she then refused mediation.

Steve has an 18 month old child he doesn't even see.

The reason we know all this is because dh actually used to work with the mother of one of steves children. The woman actually got in touch with dh out of the blue to warn him about her steve. He owes thousands in maintenance and moves from place to place to avoid paying it. He has a dd was this woman. The dd is 4 years old and dhs ex is the 8TH!!! woman he's introduced to her.

She also said that when steve dropped his dd off once not too long ago, he admitted he was just with her for somewhere to live and she was 'too fat' for his liking!

Dh hasn't told any of this to his ex. They aren't on great terms. I'm just dreading how this will go down. It's got disaster written all over it. Poor dsd :-(

I'm not even asking anything from this post. I just feel for dsd. The ex had also had multiple relationships, each one introduced to dsd. I really hope it works out for dsd sake.

She refused mediation. So take her to court. Immediately.

@WhatTheAbsoluteFuck oh I know. We don't have the funds do it. We can take a loan out. Dh was convinced it wouldn't work out and that it would go back to normal

Is Steve the Sunderland shagger!?

On a serious note however, I don't think you can keep the fact you know this from your DH, this affects his child.

Court for full custody to me! No brainer.

@usersouthcoast I'm sure the ex will tell him later. She said he had only proposed this morning, she was at the shop getting wine to celebrate. But yes I will tell him. I'm just preparing myself first.

@MyAppleTree thinking about it, maybe this could work in our favour. And by that I mean what's best for dsd!

I have many many many posts about dhs ex (though I NC regularly) and each one has been nothing but supportive in favour of dh. Enough is enough now.

I say play it cool, calm and collected. Don't meddle as it can backfire, keep your eyes and ears open and solely take up issues with the ex about dsd. If contact seems to get less and less, yes that's an issue open for debate. If Steve is being an arse hole to dsd, yes that's another issue up for debate. However if no ones in danger then fate will run its course and the Ex will soon see Scumbag Steve for what he is with noone else's intervention.

@Sianlouise432 I agree with playing it calm and cool, it's just I have to keep dh calm!

I've met Steve a few times and he's a charmer. And fake. Dh is still close to dcs brother who has told dh that literally no one in the family likes him. Especially ex's dad who cannot stand him. Apparently they have all tried to warn her off him. So I doubt they will be pleased either

It’s £250 to self represent in court.

And it will make a difference because Judges don’t like their court orders being ignored.

His DC is in a chaotic lifestyle, her mother is with what sounds like a fucking moron.

@WhatTheAbsoluteFuck Really? How did we not know this?We've been told thousands anything from £3000 - £20000 is what dh was told. We don't have that kind of money.

@WhatTheAbsoluteFuck and yeah I think she is. Me and dh have been together 4 years now and I think she's desperate to find someone and get married herself all to prove a point. It's all just one massive game to her

You don’t need a solicitor. You can DIY it. The vast majority do these days due to how bloody expensive solicitors are!

There you go! Might even be able to do it online now.

Also depending on your income the court fee might be waived, again you can apply online and there’s a code that gets emailed.

DBro has recently been through it.

@WhatTheAbsoluteFuck thank you, will pass this on. Like I say, dh has been convinced it won't last and we will be back to having dsd much more. But now that's looking unlikely - for the foreseeable anyway. Thanks

My Dh self represented in court and won but he did have advice first which was needed and helpful as it told him what he needed and how it would work and the documents he needed to produce himself which have many many rules and standards. So This mounted the cost up a bit but It's still much less than having a solicitor do it.

Who his ex marries is non of his business really. As much as no one approves of this guy as long as he's caring towards dsd then he should stay out of it. It's not fair on your DH to have his contact halved though. It's this that is the issue. He should try to convince her to go to mediation because a court would just adjourn the case awaiting the early of mediation. The courts don't like wasting their time on cases that can be solved through mediation. It should be no more than £120 each and if one of them qualifies for free legal aid then it's free for both parties.

*result of mediation not early! Stupid autocorrect

I bet the ex is pregnant by xmas given Steve's record, if she isn't already that is. Definitely encourage your DH to get to court or I can see her wanting to create a nice 'little family' (vom warning) replacing your DH with Steve as the new daddy. He needs to really push the relationship with DD so that he doesn't get phased out.

I’d go for custody as her mother isn’t providing a stable home life and is attempting to alienate the father.

Speaking from experience I'd say you need serious child protection concerns to overturn an established residency situation. If you don't have children's services involved, it probably won't happen.

However he definitely should get a reasonable level of contact re-established, the mum cutting it down so the child can get to know the new boyfriend is completely out of order. Would shared care be possible? If be pushing for as much contact as possible if I were the dad.