Not sure if it could be classed as one or if was just a massive prick. It ended a couple of years ago now but I think there have been some residual issues from it sadly. I've had some therapy sessions to try and improve my confidence.
It was long-distance, he was in France and I was here (we had met on my Erasmus year). It seemed to get worse with time
The first thing was that I had been a little upset over something one night, but I didn't want him to see. We were in bed and I had some tears coming down my cheeks and I ended up admitting what I was upset about. He said I was being silly and slapped my face, and then tried to console me. I suppose at the time I thought the slap had been meant just as a joke.
We actually met as I was a language assistant at his FE college where he was a student. We were all the same age, but our relationship had to be a secret he said, for the first few months, as he knew 'people would say stuff.'
He came to my parents' house in England. One night, we were in my room and he came across an old diary I had had when I'd been about 16. As you tend to do at that age, I had written a lot of embarrassing stuff. I didnt want him to read it but he demanded to and then became aggresive about it. I ended up ripping out these pages that were the 'most embarrassing' and let him read the rest. When he found that out he said he wondered "what else I was lying about".
He had a close female friend who he had been interested in before me. He told me she was 'boring as hell" and then said she was an' asshole' for getting back with her ex. Then called her a few other names ; it was pretty clear he was bitter she had not chosen him. Anyway, he invited her over one night to his 'as a friend' but initially hid the fact that it was her.
Then, after a few months it got nastier. I had bad acne at the time. Id introduced him to my uni friends one day and he later said he had been "embarrassed to be seen with me because of my skin". He would make up stories that he had slept with his female friends and that they fancied him, then would later admit it was just lies.
He started to make fun of my looks, and once told me that I needed a ton of surgery to 'look pretty'. He started to insult me verbally on a daily basis; scream and swear at me, saying I was stupid, clumsy and couldn't do anything right, that I was like a child.
He would scream that I looked like a lesbian with my short hair, and made me get rid of clothes he did not like, even if I liked them. He tried to isolate me from my family and guilt tripped me if I went home at xmas, for example.
Once, I opened a packet of cheese the wrong way and he screamed that I was a 'fucking idiot'. On another occasion, I accidentally woke him up from his nap and he started screaming that I was a "fucking bitch, that I was nothing".
He smoked weed on a daily basis (I know) and I think he had issues related to his family. One day he screamed at me "i'm going to smash your fucking face in". I left a note telling him to sort himself out, and left. Id book into hotels to get away (no family over there) but he would end up changing and acting nice for a few weeks.
If we had argued, he would physically shove me out of the door, and once when angry he deliberately lit a lighter in my face.
He would let me pay for most stuff despite earning much more than me, and would tell me daily that I was boring, embarrassing and that people did not want to know me.
In the end, he started having an emotional affair (then later cheating) with his colleague from work. Within a week of us being properly over they were together. I still lived with him, and went away for the weekend and came back to used condoms, and the girl's underwear and toothbrush lying around.
I told them both exactly what they were, and eventually found another place to stay. In the end, I got an apology from him, and what is crazy is that he tried to then cheat on her with me.
His own best friend didn't speak to him for a few weeks and even his Mother told me I had been far too good for him.
I have had zero contact with him for a long time. He was nice as pie after all that but I feel like I have not fully regained my confidence even today. Has anyone else had similar situations ? How do you fully recover from stuff like this ? Thank you.