Advice on telling the children about break up and more

[Headinhands2019]

Morning everyone,

I'm seeking advice about how and what to say to the children about seperation. My daughter is too young to understand, so it would be my two boys.

Any stories about how you did it?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

It will depend on their ages, what your plans are and whether you have anything specific to share about where they will be living, housing etc.

I separated when mine were 1 and 4. I didn't say anything to the younger one of course. To my DD4 I kept it simple and just said " we are going to go and live with Grandma for a while, Daddy is going to stay here. You'll see him again soon ". I didn't give any details and only answered when she asked me anything, which she didn't at that time. I think you are better off to keep it to the basic facts - at that age they don't understand anything so don't try to explain. Good luck.

Keep it simple.

I just said that mummy & daddy had been making each other grumpy and so we were going to have a bit of a time-out - a phrase from nursery - and we’d see daddy at the weekend. Ds was three.

www.npr.org/2019/04/24/716703920/what-if-we-lived-in-two-houses-talking-kids-through-divorce is a 22 minute podcast. I havent listened to that particular episode but those I have listened to have been helpful.

There's story books written to explain this, my friend has one featuring animals and the dad goes to live in another treehouse and the children see him on weekends sort of thing, it's a bit so so but might help. Keep it simple at that age. My DD's are adults so it's been rather different, one told me good riddance I deserve better, the other refuses to discuss it directly but has told me we should move to another city when she finishes university (she lives at home) and both do masters!

How old are they? Mine were 6 and 3. I said “mummy and daddy decided we don’t want to be married anymore, we just want to be friends. So daddy is moving to his own flat and you will see him all the time”

At that age they were absolutely fine, they liked the excitement of visiting his new flat etc. A few tears at bedtime from the eldest about wanting daddy but I always said “we’ll call him in the morning, you’ll see him on Friday” etc and she settled down.

Thanks for the comments. Children are 2, 6 & 8

Mine are 8 and 11. We sat them down and said we had something we needed to tell them. I did all the talking, we said we didn't make each other happy anymore and we were splitting up (we'd already split weeks earlier). We explained dad was going to move out, and when, which was 6 months into the future. They were very upset at first but within an hour were talking normally again. It was up and down but not too bad. They had a long time to get used to the idea before it actually happened.

@NewMe2019. Hope you don't mind me asking but how did it work living together for six months but being single ?

It should be a quick turnaround. Telling them today and leaving tomorrow. My birthday tomorrow incedently.

We have told the children and it wasn't as bad as I first thought. Thank you for your advice.

Glad it went well op. Mine were 2 and 5. My eldest found a book called 'My parents live in different houses' helpful. Can't remember the author. It's very American but good for normalising the new set up, which is what he needed as most of his friends parents are still together.

Also used one called 'Two nests' which was good for the little one...although for a while I found it hard to read without getting teary!

@Brightfuture2019 um....I didn't stay single. I dated very quickly, although it wasn't planned. I know ex did have a date although he denies it. We agreed early on our lives were our own and we were free to do as we wished.

It was hard, I won't lie. I was counting it down and I felt like I was constantly on eggshells. Ex's mood was very up and down, I didn't know whether I was coming or going half the time. And despite our agreement he would sometimes ask where I was going. Out was always my answer.

I don't recommend it tbh. But I don't regret dating someone. I had been unhappy for years and I wasn't passing an opportunity up.

We told the children. Me and the ex have mutually agreed that I stay over the school holidays. We have a trip to Legoland booked and we're going to do it together for the kids.