Have mumsnet done this before, a relationship graveyard? This is pathetic. I’m trying to get over an old relationship - is there somewhere on mumsnet as a graveyard for old relationships where you can just rant? Get it all out, therapeutically record it somewhere (just for the sake of it)?
Anyway here it goes... a gravestone in the shitty graveyard...
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year. He’s kind and decent. Hope my name change has worked as he knows my username... this is so disrespectful to my boyfriend I can’t believe I’m writing this.
So I was with another man before him. A moody, sexy, funny, interesting, intelligent, softly spoken man with the most beautiful accent. Sometimes when he was enthusiastic about something he would get louder and louder and not notice! But he was sincere, plain speaking - he was sort of simple and charming. He knew so much about everything - science, art, politics. Intense eyes, could strangely pout when thinking (without knowing!). We were together only 10 months but (and I’m not a romantic) seemed like soulmates, the perfect match. Same very poor background, same scholarships through life, same principles and same goals. He said he’d never been so happy. I’d never been so happy. He had quite a traditional upbringing so was sometimes naive in the relationship.
But he had maybe three tantrums, where he was just ridiculous for no reason. It was like he was testing me, it wasn’t like him but I thought maybe something he adopted from his not-so-nice traditional father.
We broke up after he’d had these tantrums (he was stressed with a course he was doing for work, he had a very successful job) and one of these tantrums came at a time I really needed him. He messaged to make up, I rejected him.
This post is useless really. Basically I was devastated by the breakup but thought it the most sensible course to take. For some reason I had it in the back of my mind we’d get back together once his courses were over. I thought he’d realise he was repeating his father’s mistakes. He was “normal” 98% of the time, but I couldn’t stand these few tantrums (my dad had been the same, I couldn’t live like that).
Well anyway... he never did message again. And I felt more that he must still be immature (I mean for operating in a very serious relationship, he had quite a traditional background). I thought he’d reflect on things.
Maybe 3 months later, a friend mentioned she’d seen him on Bumble. Pathetic I know, but I was crushed. He’d moved on I supposed. Didn’t seem like him to be on dating apps but objectively he was a catch.
Around the same time I stupidly remembered he had Instagram. Big mistake... I was getting over a flu and had the day off work, I opened my laptop... well he had the funds to do fun stuff after the break up, and had travelled to maybe 8 countries in 6 months.
To this day I check maybe every other week to see what he’s up to. How creepy is that.
And about 6 months after our break up, he had met someone.
An old friend, reacquainted. I remember her - she had never shown interest in him before. She used to sort of look down on his background. She was older and strangely he had said she was someone who “knows what she wants” (that was a vague way of saying a nice sort of gold digger, and as awful as that is... seems to be about right).
They go on flashy holidays, have a flashy car, somehow have two properties (?!). I’m not actually into flashy things but... maybe I’m in denial... they don’t actually look very happy. Not close. I’m saying this as a creep who looks at his Instagram so what do I know. But they don’t smile... ok this is really dumb, but when he posts photos of her they’re always crap and not flattering at all, when she is very very pretty. But I know he’s a great photographer as he used to take beautiful shots of us on holiday. Christ I’m a creep.
Anyway, I sort of thought it’d run its course eventually.
She seems to be everything he used to be against. His career has taken off a lot now so maybe he’s changed. Alternatively she’s everything he wants. Christ, worse is he is so happy and hasn’t thought of me at all, maybe this is it for him and he really has found his ideal partner.
And... last weekend they got married.
None of his friends were there - his parents but not his siblings, and not the lovely and very long term best friend he had (who had joked about being our best man... ex was his best man).
I’ve found one photo of the wedding and they do look happy there and really in sync. It looks like a normal wedding photo.
So ... I’m realising I’m currently in the wrong relationship for still pining after ex. I realise I probably saw limited parts of ex (it was a relatively short if intense relationship), that I should stop looking at his Instagram, that I should draw a line.
So I’m putting the relationship in the “relationship graveyard”.
I want to do some ceremony! But I’d be ashamed to even tell my friends, who love my now boyfriend. I worry about repeating my ex’s name in my sleep, this needs to die now.
So... RIP to my “the one”.