Alcohol and Drugs

[Brightfuture2019]

Can you have an alcohol and drugs problem if you only do it at the weekend ? My other half is out pretty much all weekend drinking but he doesnt touch a single drop at home. I know he smokes weed and takes cocaine most weeknds. Are they really that bad I just have no idea he reckons everyone does it. I absolutely hate drugs and have dumped ex boyfriends before. We've been together 14 years and he's probably done it for a year....

I wouldn't say that weekend use constitutes a problem. Does it impact him financially or in his employment? Does it affect his mental health? Does he take substances at the expense of other responsibilities?

The danger though remains that recreational use can lead to increasing risk and over the longer term can impact massively on physical and mental health.

I think it can still be a problem.

A lot of people do do it but if he didn't do it for the previous 13 years, what's triggered him to start now?

He only works occasionally and spends pretty much all the money he has on it. Plus it means me and my daughter are left alone..he can then come home or not and you don't know what mood he's in or if he's going to be nice or not

Then yes it's definitely a massive issue and needs addressing pronto

Then based on your update it is a problem as it's affecting those around him. It doesn't sound like a good situation.

As per PP what triggered it?

I'm not sure. I don't know exactly when it started I just know it's suddenly increased. I've told him before I don't want it bringing in the house (drugs) he just says it's occasional and people give it him. The drinking does bother me because it's a waste of money when we have none and it affects his behaviour. I drink myself but only a bottle of wine a week I enjoy it but I don't get drunk. I just don't know if I'm over reacting.

In my mind it is a problem for a number of reasons.

Financially, it is a waste of money that could be much better spent.

It ruins the opportunity for quality family time on the weekend.

It can have health consequences, and not just over time. Accidents for example.

Using illegal substances can cause criminal repercussions with a very negative impact on the family.

Drink driving is dangerous and illegal.

If something happens to a family member, he is unavailable, probably both emotionally and physically.

Making weekend drinking and drug taking a habit is definitely a problem.

Fuck me avoid and then avoid again. This is coming from someone who has had an unhealthy coke habit previously and a poor track with booze. People do grow out of it but I’d wait until they did.

It can be a phase. How old are you yourself actually? I think if you’re asking the question at all then you should stay clear

Scrap my last answer (or take the first part seriously) as just read you’ve got a daughter. Because I’ve taken drugs in the past I don’t want to be a hypocrite and say everyone who’s done so is evil but despite my faults it’s completely inappropriate to get involved in relationships involving kids as opposed to embarking on fancy free hedonistic pursuitz

To be brutally honest it doesn't matter If we think it's a problem because the fact that you've even posted on here shows that his drinking and drug use IS a problem to you.

I had an ex partner with a drink problem and I loved him with all my heart, even on the day I broke up with him I was still in love with him....but I was miserable, my partner wasn't a traditional alcoholic, he didn't even drink every weekend. But the times he did drink were so traumatic (because of his behaviour) that I lived my life dreading the next big social occasion.

I now know that you can truly love someone but at the same time be deeply unhappy. Sit him down and explain how his behaviour makes you feel and ask him to stop his destructive behaviour. If he does then great and I truly wish you the best for the future. If he doesn't then you have to consider whether love is truly all you need, sometimes love isn't enough and sometimes it is. Whatever happens I wish you best for the future.

@Caucho I am 36 and he is 48. So I'm thinking it's unlikely he will grow out of it. He acts like he's 18 and has no responsibility. It just makes me so angry as I presume coke is quite expensive. It also messes with your MH which might explain things

Not everyone who dabbles develop mental health issues but it is something you expect people to stop eventually when they get older so carrying on at 48 may indicate an addiction problem rather than just someone having fun.

And yes it’s expensive for most people in terms of average earnings. The money aspect isn’t so important for high earners but it’s not a good idea to be a coke fiend even if you’re a billionaire.

You’re 36. Don’t know you. But women (or men) usually go for older partners because they’re more mature, perhaps more financially stable etc. You’ve got the worst of both worlds with the older man who also doesn’t have their shit together

He sounds like a bit of a loser tbh.

I did recreational drugs at weekends, when I was much younger and had zero responsibilities. Never caused me any problems and I grew out of it!

He's nearly 50 and goes out partying all weekend and you sometimes don't know if he is going to come home.

That is shit

It’s total shit
I would not be spending the rest of my life with him
Is he your dd’s father ?

If it's having a negative affect on his life, yes. I only drink on the weekend and almost never during the week (I'd be too tired). But there is a difference between only drinking at the weekend and being a drunken tit who has no regard for his family every weekend.

What a waster, bin ASAP.

Yes he's my DD dad. He's actually worse now than in his 30's. I never know what version of him I'm going to get. Is it really that easy to make him leave ? He has it too good here, he has literally nowhere to go

Not your problem OP.....unless of course you want to be dealing with this losers mess for the rest of your life.