Need a rant, advice welcome. My son who is 14 has asd/adhd and my daughter who is 11 has adhd/seperation anxiety, they can be very stressful to live with and I'm the first to admit that.
My partner (not their dad, they dont see there biologically dad) and I have lived together for 2 years, he has depression and anxiety which can add to the stress in the house, he had the kids for a night himself a month or so ago while I was away, he didn't cope well. He's known the kids all their life so knew what he was getting into with a relationship with me, but since that night he has stayed at his mum's two nights a week, a decision we made together as our house was getting very difficult for us all.
He has two kids from previous relationship, both unplanned and used to trap him, he was never in a proper relationship with theie mum, he absolutely adores his daughter, very obviously more than his son, which I do point out to him on occasion. We rarely get his kids with us, his choice along with their mum being difficult, he sees them at his mum's (two nights a week after school, the nights he now stays there), his daughter has been there a lot over school holidays for sleep overs and this week he has stayed there with her, I thought the normal two nights was his plan but it was last night aswell and looking like tonight again. He has had his son once in the holidays for a few hours, we're in Scotland so four weeks of holidays are passed so far.
I am getting to the stage now of feeling like me and my kids mean nothing to him and it's easier to run to his mum's, he visits there everyday without fail and says he needs the break from our house, he is a carer for his dad but his dad doesnt need him there every day. If he was seeing both his kids I don't think I would mind quite so much but I feel his daughter has a hold over him, I know she'll be asking to keep staying at her grans, then asking him to stay there with her, at 7 years old that doesn't bode well for the future, things changed when she got her own phone and contacts him herself. I'm in no way saying I don't want him to see her but I know that she wants him to herself all the time and I feel that he should be explaining that it can't be that way, especially when he is also her little brothers dad. She is his main priority, if she wants his time she gets it and she knows this. I get along fine with both his kids, I don't spend enough time with them to love them but I'd happily have them in our house and I say that too him often.
Where do I go from here? I'm holding back on an argument as I already know he's going to text after tea to say he won't be home. My kids are getting to the point of saying why doesn't he want to be here with us 😔