Can sexless relationships work?

[Beckiee12]

So I'm looking for some people who have been in relationships or are currently in a relationship that's gone/going through a dry patch. Me and my partner haven't been intimate for over a year, this isn't my ideal situation as intimacy does matter to me. We used to be all over each other and I do know for a lot of couples it does start to become few and far between after a while but I dont see my situation changing. Sometimes I think I could live without it but other times it really starts to bother me. Now there is an age gap so this could be a big factor as to why its stopped but my partner has always had a high sex drive. In your opinion can a relationship last without sex?

Not unless both partners are happy without sex. I fear your frustration and resentment are only going to grow until you reach breaking point.

It’s all going to be down to individual drive & preference. If DH turned the tap off after 30 years+ of marriage, I’d walk.

Do you have kids?

It can work if that’s what both people want. If not the resentment will kill it eventually.

If both sides are happy then yes, otherwise no. I ended a relationship over this and have never regretted it

@NameChangeNugget It has happened after 3 years which I thought was pretty quick.

@PCohle We have a daughter together

@AnneLovesGilbert That is what my worry is. Sometimes I already resent him for it, like he might be fine going without but then I have to suffer in silence

Not unless both are happy with that. It's a deal breaker for me and if trying to resolve things didn't get me anywhere then I would end my relationship. Intimacy is important, there are other ways to have sex if penetration isn't possible but no intimacy at all kills the soul.

To be honest if it was an otherwise happy, supportive relationship it's probably something I'd put up with for the sake of my DC. That said, you would have to genuinely make your peace with the decision and not let resentment poison the relationship.

Have you been honest with him about how much it bothers you?

3 years? crikey that's quick, should still be in the honeymoon phase that early on

I had a sexless marriage with zero intimacy, I'm getting divorced. I hated it although I didn't want to sleep with my husband but couldn't keep going with no affection or proper relationship. I'd say very few relationships could carry on indefinitely like that.

no intimacy at all kills the soul

So true.

Have you asked him what’s going on OP?

Yes, if both partners are happy.

Same here.. Me and my DH are also going through a very long patch post baby and traumatic pregnancy/birth. My husband is very supportive and we still have a very happy marriage but I miss the intimacy just don't know how to get it back as it's been so long

For me no. Intimacy is a really important part of a relationship that separates it from every other relationship you have. I don't believe it is a full and dynamic relationship without sex and would leave me unfulfilled. But of course everyone's experiences and opinions are different and all that matters is that both are on the same page. If they aren't, then no I absolutely do not think that it'll be a successful, happy relationship.

Did it stop before you got pregnant or after? Was baby planned as 3 years is a short space of time to meet someone, build a relationship and have a baby.

If you learn to focus on other areas, such as DCs then yes it can work. At least until the nest is empty anyway. At that point staring at the years of historical rejection is likely to be the end for me.

Just be very careful you don't end up as a carer for your partner.

Me and DH haven't had actual sex for 3 years, but I'm not bothered at all, because we have the intimacy. He always hugs me, kisses me and tells me he loves me.

I wouldn't put up with no intimacy.

justabadwife- what brought on the end of your sex life and was it a mutual decision? Just intrigued as I have been through similar and am at this stage again now I think.

@jobchange1265 I had known him years before we decided to get in a relationship togetherwe had dated a year before making it official but it felt right. Baby wasnt planned I conceived on the coil as it had dislodged without me realising.

@Justabadwife see I dont have any intimacy anymore it seems to have just become too comfortable with him now to the point i dont think he feels he needs to put the effort in anymore..

@JustHereWithPopcorn I am sorry to hear you had such a bad experience. It's good to know you have a supportive partner, it is hard and i feel there are other ways to be intimate like kissing and cuddling etc but it isnt the same at all

@AnneLovesGilbert we have spoken about it and at first i understood, he didnt want to have sex when I was pregnant and I get it as honestly i was so uncomfortable i wasnt to fussed either. After oit daughter was born we obviously waited until I had contraception which happened about 7 weeks and then it was just 'I'm not feeling it' 'I'm too tired' our daughter is a great sleeper and has been from day 1. For the past few months he hasnt been too well so now it's that.

@jobchange1265 lots of little things I think. Mainly sex has always really hurt me, I should have probably gone to the doctors, and DH had a really low sex drive anyway, once a week at it's best, and I think he was slightly depressed. But we had an actual conversation about it, in which DH said he really didnt want to do it anymore. We are closer now than we were before.