Generous offer from a friend regarding accommodation

[HarmlessChap]

STBEWX is delaying her move out of the family home and I need my space and to stop sleeping on a sofa. There is another thread about that.

I have a dog, and while I know there are some landlords who would accept one I might not have a long time to search for one. So a female friend has offered to rehome my dog for as long as necessary whether that be a few months or forever. She and her daughter know my dog well and love her to bits, I have no doubt that she will be looked after very well.

Well in the course of chatting she's also said she has a spare room if I need somewhere to stay. My thoughts are that I could settle the dog with them and also move out of the marital home and just pop back to help get it ready for sale, while having the space I need.

Before anyone suggests it I'm sure this woman has no romantic interest in me, she's just one of life's more generous people albeit she is sometimes disadvantages herself with her generosity, something I want to avoid.

It would be a good to hear peoples experiences of how renting a room from/to a friend tends to work? Practical things like do you share cooking or do your own thing?

What "house rules" should we agree before moving in?

Any pitfalls I should bear in mind about not ruining a friendship?

And any other advice you can think of....

She may be thinking in terms of a lodging agreement where you pay something...so I'd ask about that firstly.

Then I'd say "What shall we do about cooking? Just do our own thing?"

To give her the chance to say "Yes...you do your thing and I'll do mine"

But you can also say "We can always eat together sometimes can't we?" and play that by ear...for eg. if you fancy a roast dinner, you can offer to make one for you all.

House rules...I suppose you have to fit in with her. So you can say "Any rules you want me to stick to? Shower times or whatever?"

If you do this I would have some clear rules and expectations set up before you move in. How long will you stay? How much will you pay on a weekly/monthly basis? What household chores will you take responsibility for etc. It’s always a lot easier for everyone if that is all clear ahead of time, I would actually write them down and put them on the fridge or elsewhere in public. What I would not do is just move in with no plan of how long you will stay, not pay her and not help out. That is a quick way to ruin a friendship. Also, when you are financially contributing it is easier to broach things you might like to change in some way, because you are seen as doing and paying your share.

Highly recommend agreeing to rules we had a friend stay with us for 4 months no charge just trying to help them out and assumed that they would contribute to the household chores etc this lead to a lot of stress and tension on both sides.

Practical things like do you share cooking or do your own thing? What "house rules" should we agree before moving in?
This is something you need to agree. I'd think if she's got a child i'd probably look at doing your own meals and keeping "family" time to a minimum so as not to confuse the child.

Do you have children with your ex?

Do you have children with your ex?

yes one off to Uni in September after a gap year the other planning on going to Uni next September.

Chores I had not thought about, great point. Not that I would have expected to anyone to clean up after me etc. just that it would be good to have a list or rota etc.

@HarmlessChap then I'd also make it clear to them that this is about giving you and Mom space, this woman is just a friend, and sort out when you will see them. If they're used to seeing you every day at home, I'd make the effort to put in some specific times if they're up for it. Otherwise Dads just moving out to shack up with some woman with her own kid and they're not welcome.

If you value the friendship, I wouldn't do it. It's really hard to live with people's quirks, however much you like them. It will inevitably change the friendship, more than likely for the worse.

Agree but only as long as she accepts rental money and make sure you sit down and discuss shopping, cleaning, eating etc.

Surely if you move out your STBXW will then just refuse to leave the house? I'd check with solicitor first.

Surely if you move out your STBXW will then just refuse to leave the house? I'd check with solicitor first.

Good point!