Is it time to check out?

[Anewbooknotanewchapter]

9 year marriage ended three weeks ago
DD raped aged 18 and rapist found not guilty 5 weeks ago - Ive lost her down some fucked up rabbit hole
Estranged from my mum for 2 and a half years
Estranged from my other DD for two and a half years because I was a useless, awful mum
Lifelong depression and mental health issues
In a job I hate
No joy or happiness in my life
Crying Every. Fucking.Day
Worthless
Useless'
Unlovable
Pointless

It's time isn't it.

Please don’t think this way. If you was to end your life just imagine how your daughter who has just been through the rape case would feel, even if you are not talking at the moment it would devastate her.
Nothing lasts forever , this includes the bad times have you spoken to your doctor about how you are feeling? X

Its time to hang on and survive. Your DD will need you. You've been through so much. I am there feeling all those feelings, but I know what it does to you to loose your mother. Broken and falling apart and crying everyday and suffering so much, but I know what it would do to DC to lose me. If you can't hang on for you, hang on and survive one moment at a time for your DD. Let her know you're there when she's ready. It will give her strength to keep going. Thinking of you OP

Sounds like you've hit rick bottom...so the only way is up.
It's time to talk to your GP to get counselling and meds.
Not every day will be this bad. Plus, if you're anything like me and you're so tired because of all this heat, then you'll feel a millions times worse too.

I send you the biggest and loveliest hug OP x

Never. You got through all of that lovely? Jesus cut yourself a break and be kind to yourself. Be strong. It's a blip. Sending you virtual hugs. Feels really helpless saying that but please stay strong Lovely

No, it's not. Please, please call Samaritans or someone if you need to talk. Your DD needs you. The world needs you.

There is a saying: "God gives his strongest soldiers his toughest battles."

You can get through this, one foot in front of the other, one minute at a time.

Samaritans werent that heldful
I cannt deal with thos paimn and misery everu fuvkingnfsy

Please speak to your gp and ask for help, be it therapy or medications. Your dd needs you more than ever right now. Please tell please don't hurt yourself. As bad as things are right now, they can and will get better!

Well I’m sorry but your going to have to. Your daughter needs you more than ever so think of her and the heartbreak you would cause her if you ‘checked out’.

It might be the best option for you but for her it would be life destroying.

No hang on in there. For you daughter she will need you at some point. If you do feel that bad go to a and e and tell them word for word how you feel.
Pm me if you like I have been where you are

Firstly, I’m so sorry that you are going thru this
Your daughter needs you, she is not down a rabbit hole, she is traumatised poor girl.
You are obviously not a crap mother, your daughter who was attacked, has chosen you to rely on.
if family weren’t family we wouldn’t choose them as friends! So I’ve learnt!! I hope they can support your younger daughter.

I’m sorry that your job doesn’t fulfil you, but MH and depression do that....stuck the joy out of your life!

Cry all you like today.
Tomorrow is a chance to start again. Get up, see to your daughter, go to work, make a drs appt and get help.

You will need your strength and so will she.
I hope that you can rest and tomorrow bring you better days.
Love and hugs for you both xx

If you ‘check out’ you will destroy your DDs. Please don’t ever do that to them.

I’ve been where you are sweetheart, I was raped, left for dead and had a mental breakdown. I thought the only way was to die. I went to a hotel room, took a massive overdose and waited to die. I still have days I wish I was gone. I promise you, it will get better. Please, please talk to your GP or go to a+e. Please pm me if you ever need to talk, I’ve been there xxx

Please don't check out. Please just give it one more day and keep posting.

I've been where you are.
I also lost a son to suicide.
It has destroyed the family.
Don't do this to your Dds.
You are worthy and deserving of help and support.
You've been through he'll and need someone to take care of you.
Go to a+e, make an emergency GP appointment, whatever you can.
But tell someo8NOW that this is how you feel.
I got through with medication and time but I remember the godawful way you're feeling right now.
It WILL pass. You need to hang on. Tell someone. Get help.

Please go and see your GP and get some help. Your DDs need you - get well for them. Keep messaging here its a great support. Things can get better but please get help.

My mother was found dead from an overdose just 8 weeks ago. I wouldn't wish this horrendous heartache on my worst enemy.
Go and get whatever help you can, if not for yourself but for your children. One of your daughters needs you right now, this is perhaps your chance to be there
Be strong

Nothing in our lives can change unless we're here to witness or help it change. Once we're dead we're a long time gone. You're lucky even if you can't feel it, you're here in the present with time to make the changes you want. Your Dd's aren't lost to you because you're here right now. You can access the right support to get you through this time and out the other side. If you end things now you'll never get that chance again. It's hard to fight when life seems to kick you in the teeth every minute of the day, but it won't be like this forever if you stick around to get past this terrible point. That's all it is, a terrible point right now. But it'll pass because everything has to move forward as long as we're here to get through it. Please look for help from your GP or the Crisis Team or your local A&E. The very worst time in the day is exactly this time. It's the witching hour when it's too quiet and dark. Keep talking on here if you feel you can't be alone right now.

I'd also say - the Samaritans weren't helpful in your case, but they're not qualified and trained mental health professionals. They provide a wonderful service but they're just volunteers providing a listening service. It's massively helpful to some people in crisis at times, but it's not the same as accessing proper mental health services which you could benefit from.

Oh OP I think I remember you and your daughter from your previous thread; I've often wondered how you're doing. So sorry you're feeling like this but please don't check out-your daughter needs you, probably more than ever, regardless of how she's acting. Please, please, please go and see your GP today and tell them how you're feeling.

Hi OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.

Please do try the Samaritans again - here's the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real life help and support as well. You can always call NHS 111 or as others have suggested on the thread, go straight to your GP.

Take care.
Love and flowers.
MNHQ

Please, please, please go to your GP and ask them to read this thread you have posted. Tell them exactly how you feel. You need to talk to someone. Maybe another type of antidepressants will help.

Hang in there, things will get better I promise

If you want to get some support urgently then please do go to A&E.
You were such a wonderful support for your DD when she was going through hell.
Life can be truly shit at times.
You have been through so so much.
Get the support you need and be kind to yourself.

Hi OP,

I’m so sorry to hear of all the awful things going on just now but there is no problem in the world that can’t be solved.

I agree with everyone else, your DD needs you. Checking out isn’t an option.

Whenever I find myself with so many different things going on and I’m disappearing underneath them all I pick a small issue & I try and deal with or fix that and I go from there. I know it’s not that easy and I promise you I have been to the bottom and had some similar situations, I understand what it feels like to feel like there’s nowhere else to go and no alternative but there is. And you will find your way out of all of this.

Is there anyway you can reconnect with your DM or other DD?

Is another job an option?

You’re no unlovable & you have lots of people here who will listen you every single day.

Please please return to let us know you’re okay x

OP, have a hug.

Sometimes, your life tells you it's time to make changes.

Get yourself on a waiting list for talking therapies. Read the book 'Mind Over Mood' in the meantime.
If you love your daughters and your mum, tell them. By text, if necessary. Don't expect anything back, don't engage if they want to re-ignite some kind of fight. Just leave the love there for when they want it.

Any one of the examples you gave would bring a person low, so don't blame yourself at all. Be kind to you. We can only start from where we are - we'd all be better people if we could, but we have to start where we are now.

Mindfulness.

'This moment, now.' Bank every happy (count 'barely acceptable' in your present circumstances) moment. Have a shower or a bath - the good feeling from that counts as a positive moment to bank. Bit by bit, you'll learn to recognise happiness and joy again. It's smaller, less demanding than you think, but you can't force it. At the moment, hanging on is enough.
Crying isn't a bad thing, and the feeling of cold water on your face afterwards is quite pleasant. Bank it!

Can you find solace in music? This is working for me. .

Hang on. You're worth it. No matter what has gone before, the future can be better. Good luck. x.